i need someone to talk to about not just having depression but also anxiety

[jam89]

hi 

i have never done this before, but i feel maybe someone out there could give me strategies to get through this.

it all started in 2000 when my parents split i was 12 and i dont remember very much of what happened, im the youngest of 4 girls in my family, so i have been very protected by my family. and never lived my own life always was someone that helped everyone else and never put myself first.and i left school in year 10 no idea what i wanted to do. so starting trying to find a job which was is hard  when u have no experience one of my sisters got me a job in a cafe. so i did that. and then worked somewhere else in another cafe for 2 years. but i wanted to help people so i thought i would like to maybe be nurse. so i did a certificate of assistant in nursing and got a scholarship to do my diploma in enrolled nursing. im currently working in a hospital for 3 years now as an enrolled nurse. and currently studying my bachelor of nursing. but i have started having depression about 4 or 5 years ago and been on antidepressants for about the same time. it did its job for awhile but especially in the last year or so. my older sister who is 5 years old than me has been drinking to cope with her marriage and depression she has for years.and the drinking involves my 17 month old nephew aswell. and my relationship with my sister has really gone down hill. but i seem to take on other people in my families problem and feel there my problems. i have started to get anxiety aswell. which i seem to get worse now with. i feel im at a loss and cant cope sometimes. just not sure what i can do. but i have been seeing my gp and a psychologist and psychtrist this year. any strategies would help. or just someone to listen that understands what iam going through?

[Stephen123]

Hi Jam, welcome to the forum. I read your post with admiration as you seem to have achieved so much at such a young age and with depression in tow as well. Congratulations you have done well.

you and I have a few things in common. My parents divorced when I was 12, depression and we seem to have all the bases covered with the magic three, GP, psychiatrist, psychologist but still something was not right. 

I,ve just recently started posting on here and to be honest it has put a lot of things into perspective for me. My recent discussions with Jo3 have helped me realise that there are far more serious cases out there. A week ago I found myself on a break from tafe with nothing to do and boredom and a bit of depression started to set in. Posting on here has helped me sort that out no end and my head is clearer than it has been for years.

jam maybe if you can identify what is holding you in the happiness trap, ( excellent book by the way by rus Harris ) is it things like stress from studying and working? Is it something from your past? Do you think depression is just a chemical imbalance that needs to be treated with a different ad? Geoff mentioned something in a post before about changing from srni,s to ssnr,s or something like that, sorry I don,t know the difference. Anyway I,ll look forward to your reply and once again welcome to the board.

[jam89]

hi stephen thanks for the response. i think i more have anxiety more now than depression. but i have hit rock a few times this year. and find it hard to get back from it. i recently got so unhappy i tried to self harm, i didnt do much damage. i would tell myself i would never hurt myself like that.

i do have two awesome best friends that have helped me so much. but i think my family issues is my main problem. and i have finally accepted my parents spilt.

im 24 now. i just need to get better in that sense. just hard to try and be happy and not get down about things.  

[geoff]

dear Jam, firstly can I say to Stephen that he has contributed a great deal to this forum, and it was a good idea to come onto this site and post, as we all learn so much from all the different posts.

Jam can I just cover over your depression and anxiety at the moment and say that looking at what you have achieved is remarkable, and that's why it's so sad for you to have to suffer from this debilitating illness.

Anxiety is part of depression and with this it includes self esteem and at the moment you may have this as well, and the reason I say this is because of any family problems you seem to accept that they are your fault, and this isn't fair to you, as you live your own life, and just because your sister has marriage problems plus her drinking has no bearing on you.

You may have trust in a doctor at work to be able to talk about your antidepressants, but if you don't want this to happen then go and see your own doctor.

Sometimes when the AD don't have any more affect or the dosage is low then it may need to be increased, or you can ask your doctor about changing from SNRI to SSRI, or vice- versa.

As much as you love your family you shouldn't take any responsibility for what happens to them, sure you care, but it's not your fault. L Geoff. x

[akasha]

Found 1 URL I think you should look deeper for the source of your problems. There;s a big chance your depression and anxiety might have somatic causes, for example simple vitamin and/or minerals defficiency. 

[Stephen123]

Hi Jam, I just had a thought about your sister, I know it would be very difficult to do but if you could get your sister to go to counselling sessions with you maybe you could work on family issues as a team. Just a thought! The self harm thing is definitely of concern. Does your psych know about this? If it was just a one off thing maybe there is not too much to worry about but if you are still having thoughts of self harm please raise the issue with your doctor. Just wondering, when my parents split it was the happiest day of my life because all the arguing and violence stopped, was this the case for you or was it the actual split that was traumatic for you? Has your psych suggested doing therapy techniques such as mindfulness? Do you feel that your counsellors are good enough? Would a change of doctors or medication make a difference do you think?

[mum]

Dear Jam,

HI there, ihave anxiety and have been on meds over 4 yrs, I was an AIN now an EEN so like yourself but im in aged care. Its something will try to live with until it hits like a door in your face, I get emotional and then depression. The doc suggested I go out and do a few things for myself n whatever made me happy, day at the beach, movie, shopping. This did help me a few years ago and I went back to work. I havnt had another melt down but I feel depressed somedays. Yes u do take on pples worries and your head is spinning, I have trouble sleeping and use RESCUE REMMEDY its 20dollars you put 4 drops on your tongue, I wont take sleeping pills.

Why don't you send an email to your sister ive recently done this to my bro with no response unfortunately, but u never know if you don't try, tell her how you feel, suggested you have a day out together etc worth a shot. Good luck, music always makes me feel good so dig out some old cds. Mum