To All the People Who Have Posted

[Suzbj]

Hi everyone, 

I would just like to say that, to me, the common theme through this site is the sense of worthlessness and having no value that screams the loudest in people's experiences. A few weeks ago I felt the same way. I don't anymore. It is getting much better for me although I know I will have 'episodes' again. But they are getting less and less. Kind of 'three steps forward - two steps back'. You ALL are so worthy and so valuable and so very important! I wish there was a way I could communicate that to you that you could believe it and take it on board! I know that everyone has their experience and it is a journey for all of us. 

For me, understanding that 'others', be it family, friends, doctors, psychologists, the person in the shopping centre, can't possibly 'get' depression and anxiety. Not clinical or the real deal chronic depression. I also began to realise that when I am feeling fine and confident, I really don't care what other people think of me. When depression hits, I am devastated by even a 'look from a stranger' be it real or imagined. I'm beginning to get that it is not so much what other people think about me as what I THINK OF ME! It's ME that has to be HAPPY WITH ME, first and foremost. 

I'm also learning to live in the NOW. Not the past, not the future (except in practical terms). Living in the 'now' I guess is mindfulness. I remember up to five years old how happy I was. I was always in the NOW as children are when life is well. They don't hold onto the past; they don't fear the future, they live in the moment. There is a lesson in that for all of us, whether we have depression or not. One day at a time, one moment at a time, one pause at a time. Pause, just for a few seconds and notice a beautiful blue sky, a bird, a tree - a computer or latest tablet, I Phone, if that is what is special to you. Just pause and find the moment of gratitude that you identify with.

I am so happy to be on this site and I wish all of you recovery, happiness and peace 🙂

[Jo3]

Hi Suzbj

Thank you for your post, it's inspiring.  You know you are so right when you say live in the NOW, not the past or the future.  Being mindful is what I am learning with my psych at the moment.  It's not that easy to just sit there in the now, because your head wants to go to the past or the future.  But I am slowly doing that - living in the now.

 I actually had a session with my psych today on mindfulness - it was amazing. Just sitting there listening to him tell me to relax, and think of certain colours, being mindful of the room i was in, the noises i could hear.  It was really good.

Thanks again, take care

Jo

[Suzbj]

Hi Jo,

Thank you for your response! It sounds like you have a really good psych. Mindfulness does really help. I've been lucky to recently do a nine week program where I live with other people suffering from mood disorders through the Reach program and it focuses on learning skills and strategies including mindfulness. I haven't got it down pact yet, but the times that I do focus and use these strategies, they really do work! Like everything it is practice, making time - even if it is just a few minutes, applying strategies on a daily basis. I'm the world's worst procrastinator so I'm on a mission to be more organised, to use my time better and to apply the skills we've been taught. We have a textbook as well, so I can revisit what we've learnt - it's a holistic approach. This site has been so positive for me and I'm so grateful to Beyond Blue for setting up this forum. Take care and have a wonderful weekend - cheers Susan

[geoff]

dear Susan, there are so many different techniques or programs that different counsellors and psych's use in their endeavour to cure this awful illness, and not all will suite everybody, and sometimes it's a matter of trying to find the appropriate one, and this isn't easy at all, but by people reading these different types they can then do some research, just to see whether it would be OK. L Geoff. x

[Suzbj]

Hi Geoff,

Yes, that's right. We are all different. I can only share what is working for me - and that has taken many, many years. I'm so happy to have found some techniques that are working. It is so important that everyone finds what works for them. I'm under no illusions and knowt there will be more depressive episodes, Hopefully these strategies will help minimise the impact. It's just trying to find what works and utilising that. 

Have a great day

Suz 

[Jos]

Hi Suz,

In response, I would like to say that your method also helped me after battling for 3 years.  The mind is a very powerful tool and I battled with the negative thoughts into despair, my subconscious mind was overpowering my existence, however my conscious mind knew how it should be thinking. 

I now have harmony between the two, if that makes sense, I no longer have to battle and have also won.  The past is dead and gone, filed away as a chapter, not forgotten but forgiven.  I now live in the moment and have to say that I now feel even better than before the 3 years, as I appreciate the value of my own life and feel fully connected with all that I do.

It's almost as if it' a turning point, in a sense a gift, a human condition that was very far from realisation at the time.

I regularly read through the forum and know how invaluable the feedback from yourself and others is so beneficial, THANKYOU for connecting and sharing.

Jos 🙂    

[Jos]

Hi Suz,

In response I did write a small reply, but not sure if I hit the wrong button or it may appear later, anyway it was just to say THANKYOU for your inspiration, please keep it coming and don't preempt those depressive episodes, they may be gone for good, or if they appear you will be ready for battle. 

I hope to be a stranger in the shopping centre that exchanges a smile with you...

Jos 🙂

[geoff]

dear Susan, what is working for you is terrific, and I hope that it continues, but if for some reason you don't get any more benefit, then you might have stepped up a level, and then need another approach.

This can happen to any treatment we have, that is, the basics taught to you have no more affect, and this is good because you have climbed another mountain, and this does happen so many times, as we can see from those on this board who have improved so much.

 An analogy for this is, when we start to ride a bike as a young kid we have those trainer wheels which make us not fall over, but as we improve and our confidence has increased those trainer wheels come off, so our own level has increased and we don't want those wheels any more, and the same applies to our depression, we are ready to face the new world. L Geoff. x

[Suzbj]

Hi Geoff and Jos,

Thanks for your encouragement. Smiling back at you Jos 🙂