I'm scared for my friend...

twentyone · ‎13-09-2013

So its been pretty tough over the past year due to exams in school. My friend has been under constant pressure by his parents to achieve great marks, however this is not the case. His marks are still good yet not up to his parents standards. He told me via text that he felt suicidal and that he had a plan for how he was going to do it. I was unable to meet him personally for a few weeks due to reasons but i managed to convince him not to and prayed that he wouldn't. After the few weeks i met up with him and he seemed all right, happy. But then i guess it was my turn. I felt really depressed due to other things and shut people out for a while. I think he may have thought that i was avoiding him after confiding in me...? i don't know. I'm better now but i think he's worse. He's also had a lot of absent days so i have not been able to talk to him at school. i feel distant from him and i don't know what to do... And sometimes i think i'm the one distancing myself from him because i don't want to have those thoughts anymore (which is really selfish, i know...) How do i help him without causing myself to have those same depressing and suicidal thoughts?

vip · ‎13-09-2013

Hi 21 you probably might need to tell like his family that he has said this to you does he have a brother or a sister this would be the right thing to do they deserve to know now that you have that heavy information that is way too much for you to take on board. Otherwise the two of you get together and go and see a GP ASAP and get a referral to a psych you may be both need to be on medication. Dont take matters like this lightly and just sweep this under the carpet. I attempted suicide 3 yrs ago and i told before the week before how i felt and everyone just ignored it or didnt believe me anyway i survived and im still here to tell my story so please i know first hand what it is like. Please both of you reach out for professional help now,. Take care

The_Real_David_Charles · ‎14-09-2013

Dear twentyone & Nes,

Maybe there's no limit to the amount of times you can check up on a friend even if you yourself don't feel too hot. I always find in the psych wards that suicide is an open topic and many communicate freely about this in a fairly positive and humourous manner. It's like we have permission to discuss due to being in the ward (and maybe staying there due to our own suicide attempt).

I was in Officeworks a couple of years ago photocopying music for my band and there was a couple printing Funeral Leaflets for their HSC daughter who had stressed out too much and taken her life. It was really awful to chat to these parents as they had sooo much to consider and question. And here they were doing photocopying - the most mundane of human activities. A few customers rallied around and there were plenty of tears if not a group hug. The loss was palpable throughout the whole store and, tacky as it might seem, the parents really needed some emotional support and who cares if it is in such circumstances ?

Your own dark thoughts need an outlet. Being influenced by another suicidal ideation is OK if you recognise it's an influence not an instructional reality. And we all feel like the end of the world has come at some time. It's part of life. Maybe your friend can get some perspective with a counsellor without letting his parents control overcome him. I think 18 is a very common age to look at the world and say "If I didn't achieve my expectations from school then what is the point of living ?". But in 10 years time no employment will even ask what HSC grades you get. It's actually more important to cope than to suffer disappointment. You can tell his parents to their face that there might be serious consequences to this ongoing criticism of grades. Your friend obviously can't.

Adios, David.

vip · ‎15-09-2013

Hi David Charles lately I have been hearing of suicide stories as well very common and very sad. A mother at my sons school her mum which was 70 just took her own life. And now the school is doing a 2nd hand clothes sale in her memory and all the money raised will be donated to vinnies mental health,. We have emails sent from Jessica Rowe Geoff Kennett Charmaine Dragun mum she was the channel 10 newsreader and lots of others where suicide has touched their lives. I havnt reached out to this mum yet but i will soon to give my condolences as this subject is still raw and very emotional for me I can speak about it easily on this forum but face to face with someone it brings the event up for me in my mind . Also im still getting from 1 friend who i ditched 6 months ago how selfish how stupid of her and she has told some people i know this . Anyway those HSC exams are a worry too much pressure i really feel for that family they will always wonder WHY???? Like i get told WHY DID YOU DO IT????? My answer i really dont know why. Take care

geoff · ‎16-09-2013

dear 21, the major concern is for yourself, because you have posted, and if you aren't able or don't want to contact him simply for the reason that it is going to make you crash, then it's not a good idea to do so.

In saying this I am pushing your friend aside for the moment, I know that he is not well, but you are basically unable to change his mind, because with suicide the person may seem to be 'fine', but then it happens, unbeknown to you.

With me it was a split second decision and to answer this question by Nes ' WHY DID YOU DO IT?????', isn't an easy one to answer, sure we can just say I was depressed, well this is true, but the problem lays deeper than this, something has triggered us to do it. Geoff.