Good days, bad days ...,,

[Krissyshell]

Just wondering if others have several good, positive days  and then for no real reason I can reflect on, crash ? I crashed on Tuesday and spent it and Wednesday pretty much in bed, exhausted .... And slept and slept. I pulled myself together to get to work yesterday and felt pretty good . I tried to focus and concentrate and managed to cross some things off my  to do list... How do you avoid these crashes ? My work has suffered (among other things) so much already this year. I have soooo much to do.... I can't afford to continually crash...

[geoff]

dear Krissyshell, these are small relapses, small as in a couple of days that you crash.

Have you previously overcome depression, or is this your first experience of this hellish illness.

What type of work do you do, and also what are your commitments, and are you in danger of losing your job.

When we are on the road to recovery, we often have relapses, and even once we have passed the finish line and feel OK it can still happen.

This happened to me just lately when I had to put my little puppie down, because she had cancer, and after 18 years with her, this broke my heart, and I had a relapse, crying like hell, and yes even big guys do cry, but I knew that I would recover, it was only when, and this timing can't be predicted, it's only when I decided that I had to get on with my life.

Personally we can't really avoid these from happening no matter what happens, but it's the time that we can recover depends on how well we have overcome depression, and know that we will be OK in a couple of days.

This is the strength we have learnt and developed from our time in depression, and we learn that a particular event can cause us to crash, so we either avoid it, or we have learnt from experience on how to deal with it.

This becomes stronger over time, so instead of breaking down for a couple of days we can reduce this to a day or a few hours or not at all.

If you want to reply to my queries please do so. Geoff.

[Kantok]

I've wondered that myself. And when I have those good days I often question myself over whether I have depression at all. Am i just being self indulgent in those bad times? Life seems great, I feel good... Then bam, something happens and I fall into a pit of absolute despair. And then  I go numb, for days. I'm sorry i don't have answers hun, but I understand how you feel and where you've been. 

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Krissy,

The bad days can come unexpectedly.  For me, with bipolar, I have some days when I have a good hour and then, bam, a bad hour mainly cos I've had years of this mental illness and you'd think a little tolerance would creep in but sometimes it's the opposite.   

Even a comment over me being overweight at 120kg is a whole saga for me thinking maybe I should explain that meds for mental illness carry side effects like appetite inducing or you're just so sluggish sometimes you eat the whole fridge contents.  So, the annoyance of the comment is really that, once again, some part of society doesn't care of want to understand or even think around an obvious visual signal.

This week I had a really good day on Thursday and even decided to frame a chart I'd done whilst composing as it came out good.   Then when I was at the Picture Framers someone said "What's this shit you're framing" so I had the anti musician, anti mental illness, anti friendly, anti respect person to deal with.  It was only when the shop's owner stepped in and said "Hey, this guy's got a big band and they're going to New York, watch it buddy" that things normalised.

Then I got to drive home thinking "I gotta get that Picture Framer to come for Christmas and sit between me and my mother in law".  I guess we have to rejoice in the good days.  Even if they lull us into a sense of false security.

Adios, David.

[MaryG]

Hello krissyshell...I wish I could offer you some advice, but I can't and find myself also caught in this crazy up and down cycle. I totally get what kantok says about feeling self indulgent when you're up. The thing is that when I'm up and able to physically go and get help, I don't want to or feel like I need to. When I'm down I'm in such a hole and I have what I call a knot of despair inside me. I cant get help then. I don't know if this helps at all. but thought it might to know other people feel like you do. It was a revelation for me to discover that.

[geoff]

dear Mary, what you have said is advice and experience, and it's so true, because when we feel OK we believe that we don't need any professional help, and again this happened with me, even to the extent that if I had an appointment with my psychologist I would cancel it, and in hindsight I shouldn't have, because why I felt good could have been built on by my psych. L Geoff. x