I'm really struggling

[Troyboy]

I've suffered depression and  anxiety for over ten years, I've tried medication, counselling ect and i eventually got to a point where I managed it, don't get me wrong everyday is a struggle but I get up and go, I've lost so many friends, family over this as most just couldn't understand why I just couldn't cheer up or get over it, so when it all boiled down to it, I had my mum and dad, my grandparents, my wife and my dog jasmine.

But in the last few years I've lost my mum, my grandparents, and my father had a stroke and is in nursing care, so I don't worry him no matter how bad I feel. My wife is always been here for me and still is, she has seen me at my worse and stuck by me through it all, I know she cares and will always listen, but I don't want to lump it all on her, it worries her greatly and will always ask what can she do to help, but I can never answer that since I don't know myself.

i know some will find this stupid, but the reason I finally decided to join and post was because of my dog, jasmine is 14 years old and now has arthritis, on going to the vet yesterday we have been informed that we should get a X-ray in a weeks time if she hasn't improved as it may be bone cancer, if that is the case there is not much we can do. My wife is hurting just as bad as me but is very strong and knows that if she is in server pain the responsible thing to do would be let her go. I do understand this as well, but what people don't get is that, when I was diagnosed jasmine was there, when I was rolled up in a ball crying, walking the house while everyone slept, sitting in the yard, and had no one else to talk to she was there. And now it could end up being my decision to let her go, I will never let her live in pain, but it's tearing me up inside thinking what could happen, maybe the medication will work, maybe nothing will show on the X-ray, but a week is so long to see my friend struggle and wait for medication to start taking effect.

I will also add that we live interstate from my remaining family and friends, my wife works full time and I'm at home alone all day, jasmine is who I turn to in those low moments during the day, a simple sit and chat to her works better than any medication ever has,I have had pets die before but I've been well lucky as it has always been peacefully in there sleep. 

I know this is silly but I'm really struggling at the moment and all my demons are hitting me full force.

id welcome any advice

[Neil_1]

Hi Troyboy

I've borrowed my daughter's laptop, so I can check things out, and I'm glad I did.

Oh mate, your post DID bring tears to my eyes.  One thing I thought reading it, when you've been down and Jasmine has been with you, I'll bet she's been RIGHT beside you and tried to probably lick your tears?   I had a major meltdown about a week ago, and our dog, Jack, was almost on top of me with concern.

Dogs are just the most amazing animals ... they sense sadness and suffering.

Bloody hell this is so difficult for you.  I hope like anything, as I know you and your wife would be, that the medication will work.  But again, if it doesn't the last thing you would want, is for your mate to suffer.

In our home, we've got our dog, 2 rabbits, 4 chooks and 2 budgies ... all due mainly to our 13yo daughter.  And we have had deaths of some at times ... and it is like losing a family member.  I've lost family members;  but if you've had a pet for a long time, there's not much difference.

I know you're going to receive a lot of other responses with this post, but could I please ask are you seeing a GP regularly at the moment or even a psyche.  Mate, I really think you're going to need some professional support to help you through the next little while.  But I think with what you've described in your first para or so, that you should be seeing a GP anyway, despite Jasmine.

We can provide online support and will be here for you to read and respond, but I think you really need to get to your GP.  Your wife sounds like an amazing person by what you've described, with the support that she's been trying to give.  If you're ok with this, perhaps she could possibly attend your GP session as well ... so she might be able to learn some things about depression and methods for helping you.

Troyboy, it's great that you've been able to come on here and I hope you can get back to us when you're able.

We've got you covered with support and care here ... absolutely no worries about that.

Kind regards

Neil

[Neil_1]

Just forgot to say, that on this site there are NO SUCH THINGS as silly posts or silly questions.

No one should ever feel like that ... I know you might have because it was your first post, but we here are like a community or even a family (very far flung family from all over the place and none of us know where the other people are from - but that doesn't matter).

The only thing that matters is the welfare of each person who comes on this site.

Cheers

Neil

[bzb]

Dear Troyboy,

I hope Jasmine will be ok. My dog is amazing, I understand the thought of losing a pet, who you love as a family member is very confronting, as I've had to do that, too. So, you choosing to join is not silly at all. In fact, it's very courageous to share your story, as I believe everyone here is.

I do agree with Neil and speaking to a GP who can refer you to a psychologist for support, may be useful to you.

Your wife sounds amazing and very supportive. You have battled for so long, sometimes we forget how strong we are. Also, you mentioned you did utilise strategies which helped you previously? Could you start using them again? Sometimes, when I have felt perhaps the old behaviours creeping in, I ensure I am using the strategies that helped me with my depression and I'm back on track.

Please update us.

Take care,

bzb

[Jo3]

Hi Troyboy

I feel for you so much.  I suffer depression and anxiety and other mental illness and without my Kelpie I don't know where I would be.

Neil always writes great replies and I agree totally with my friend.

Pls take care and hope things work out.  And as Neil said we are one big family here to support each other.

Thinking of you

Jo

[Troyboy]

Thank you so much, it helps knowing people care, when so many have in the past just don't know what to say and do and eventually move away from you, when in reality all you wanted was someone to listen. 

[Troyboy]

I thank you for you response, just knowing people understand helps more than you could ever know,  I have a lot to add to answer your questions but I don't think I'm up to it today, I just wanted everyone to know I'm ok as I can be, and I will be on tomorrow.

thank you everyone.

just one thing how do I just post one reply so that everyone that has been so good to contacted me gets their thanks?

[Troyboy]

Thanks for being there, I'm having a bit of a off day, but I'll post more info tomorrow, just being able to vent and know people understand helps so much, today I just wanted people to know we are ok and will be on tomorrow.

thank you...

[Neil_1]

Hi Troyboy

Great to hear back from you.  With regard to thanking people for their responses, I usually do it as a post on the particular thread that I started and I think you'll find that the people who wrote to you with advice or just simply to say they understand and support you, will still continue to follow the thread until it usually runs its journey.

Take your time with things ... no rush, no hurry with anything.  Just do whatever you need too.  And yes, if you feel the need to vent, VENT away, there's no judgement here either.  All we want to do is throw out as much support and possible advice as possible.

Hope you have an ok Sunday.

Cheers

Neil

[Lillybell]

It is such a difficult time for you Troy. And like everyone else here, I too understand how attached we become to our pets. I bought my first dog at 24. She was my first baby and was with me for 18 years. We went through so much together. She died while we were on holidays. After we received the news we left as soon as we could and faced a 12 hour drive to come home. I cried virtually  all the way. As soon as I got home I looked for all of the photos of her and then just looked through them and sobbed. I could never have imagined grieving so much for a dog. It was devastating and like Neil said, just as sad as losing another family member.  What you're feeling is not stupid. These wonderful creatures are part of our family and are the most loyal of all. No one ever loves you so unconditionally like a dog. Who could ever possibly get as excited to see us as our dogs. Now, I have another little white ball of fluff and she is the queen of the castle here. She is adored by everyone and returns the love. But I will never forget my beautiful first dog. I wish you all the best for the road that lay ahead. Jasmine is so fortunate to have someone love her the way you have.