I Keep on Trying Yet I Keep Getting Kicked Back

[LemurianLight]

Hi, so maybe just venting is what I need at the moment, 10 years ago, I used to feel empowered, happy and had dreams to take a flight, as each year progressed, each and every dream and goal I had got stood and rubbed into the ground, now in my 30’s, I feel defeated, mentally exhausted with no real prospective or direction for my future.

On top of having PTSD/GAD and Depression, I also have Autism, wasn’t diagnosed into my early 20’s however I didn’t let that stop me, I thought if I asked for help, I would receive help and it didn’t seem much that way, as I was actively looking for work I have been through at least 10+ jobs in my life, and I would be tempted to say 14+ and I haven’t held down a job for more than 6 months.

I’m climbing a 80 degree road that seems impossible to achieve with no to little support surrounding me. I am 150kms away from my nearest family, I only have 1 immediate family member, I have access on the NDIS, however, I exited out of my support co-ordinator after a “better” company had a vacancy where I was given falsified information and there was no position available at all, I am not settled with a support worker and have been through many in my approaching 1 year since being on the system, the support workers whom I have bonded with, all disappear in the end, which makes me want to care and connect less to prevent hurt.

I have no pets, I am not dating, I have never been married, I have had 1 boyfriend 11+ years ago and haven’t found anyone since despite being on multiple dating apps, I’m also a demisexual so connecting with people by face along has been challenging for me to say the least.

I recently created a video sharing about my mental health journey to an online community, however those that I valued as my friends didn’t respond whether it be via the video or sending me a private message etc, its gutted me so much, on top of the worries of a life that I live on Groundhog everyday, I seem to find no way to break out, with little support.

Besides all of this, last month, I had 3 bouts of news happen within a 4 day time span, my job went from suspended to being let go (cause of some stupid choices that employees made from the company I worked for), to not being reached out by a lawyer about some personal stuff as well as finding out that I have additional family in another state and I have no way to get over there without work.

I’m at breaking point, I truly have nothing to wake up to every morning.

Thanks for listening.

[quirkywords]

LemurianLight

welcome to the forum.

I am sorry you have tried so hard but keep on having obstacles and setbacks.

I think friends sometimes don’t know how to respond your video, I am sure they appreciated, I sent an article I wrote fir a newsletter to 12 close and extended family and one person replied. I asked them later what they thought and they were positive but did not feel a need to reply.

Are you eligible for legal aid.?

Is there an organisation the offers for support fir people with Autism.?

I wonder if there are any strategies you have used in the past when you have been overwhelmed.

Please feel free to post here. We are listening.
Thanks for sharing your story.

[LemurianLight]

Thanks quirky, I appreciate your response.

Yeah, its true that not everything has an easy response.

I really do well with people to talk, however, I've been bounced around so much, just really fatigued with trying all the time to get things into place when it doesn't work for me.

I do meditative breathing and stuff when overwhelmed, however its not really that's concerning to me, however its just the lack of social that's getting to me, I have so much going on, however no real friends or connections to get stuff off from my plate with, social groups these days are sparse due to the pandemic.

Thanks for listening.