I just want to let it all go

[annoy]

I am a 23 year woman and first-generation immigrant. My parents and sister depend on my success, yet I am so undeserving of the place I am in. 

I wish I was never born in the first place, or that someone who is more capable was in my stead. I wish to let it all go. But I can’t. I can’t do that to my parents. Never.

I tell my friends of my issue, yet no matter what advice they give me, I can’t get better. It just feels so hopeless and pointless. Yet time is ticking and I’m losing opportunities because of the way I am. Why am I like this. I can’t live yet I can’t die. I am stuck in my own body. 

[indigo22]

Hello annoy,

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so low and confused at the moment, but thank you for having the courage to reach out and ask for help. From what I have read in your post, you seem to be struggling with the fact that you have so much responsibility on your shoulders at such a young age. I will not say that I have been through the exact same situation but I have certainly felt the wish to not be here and the feelings of hopelessness you have described on more than one occasion. I wonder, have you talked to your GP about how you are feeling as it seems to me that you may be dealing with depression, your GP will be able to assess the situation and refer you to someone to help you figure out what the underlying cause is. I was not diagnosed until much later in life because I was not aware I was dealing with depression. I don't know about your background, but I can say that you are not responsible for your whole family, you are the child, not the parent. I think your first move should be to reach out to the Beyond Blue helpline and talk to them about what you are going through so they can advise you on getting the help you need. We will be here for you when you need to talk, but please take the steps I have suggested because you are worth every bit as much as everyone else in this world but at the moment you believe yourself to be unworthy. You have just lost your way and need some help to find your way back. Please come back to this post and let us know how you are going.

Sending you hugs and courage.

indigo22