People think I'm lazy and it's messing with me pretty bad.

[DallasG]

I've been in therapy for 6 going on 7 years now, it's been with a psychologist and it's basic talk therapy and I will say it has helped me to a degree but it's only gotten me so far, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and moderate to severe social anxiety, I've mostly gotten over the anxiety, I still have bouts of pretty bad anxiety but I've learned to get through them, the depression has stuck though, no matter what I've tried it only works for a little while and then it creeps back in, I feel like I have no control over it, I am medicated for it, each day, as far as I know it is one of the most effective AD's. Lately the depression is just really bad, I have lost interest in pretty much everything, I'm currently unemployed so there's that, I have no IRL friends anymore, my one and only friend fobbed me off and is blaming me for it as well as everything else wrong with him, I'm angry at him, at others, I have slept most days the last month unless I have to be somewhere which isn't very often, if I do get up I sit/lie on the couch watching YouTube or streaming something to keep my attention from leading me back to bed, I'm exhausted both mentally and physically and and I just don't care about anything, I don't want a relationship or family, I can't make friends, I'm 43 this year and my mum and dad will be gone soon, my sister is in another country with her family, I will soon have no one, and while that scares me to a degree I look forward to it, I can stop pretending I'm fine, that I want a "normal" life, someone said once it's called apanthropy, I looked it up and it suits me to a tee, I know my thoughts are all over the place, another reason I find it so hard to explain myself to others, I know I'm abnormal, I don't mind being that. But when people say I'm just lazy and to just stop being depressed and do something I get so mad, like they just don't get and I hope they never feel anything close to what I do each day, I feel most people wouldn't be able to cope as well as I think I have without doing something drastic, yeah I've only been there once in my life and I know it's not the answer. Some or all of this won't make sense to many, I just had to get it out I guess.

[David35]

I used to feel like this. Years ago when I  was put on the DSP. Every day was the same. I tried volunteering at op shops. Hated it. The staff were very bitchy. I then bumped into some old guys at a council orientation who ran a men's shed (making wooden toys) and really liked it. They didn't judge. There were a few difficult people but generally I enjoyed it.

What kind of things do you enjoy doing? Something that would involve being with other people

[yggdrasil]

Hey DallasG,

Thank you so much for posting on here. I too have been in a similar state in the past. It's horrible and I really feel for you.

I think you have to start with the tiniest little steps you can manage, even though they feel stupid and pointless. Depending on where you're at, this step might be sitting up in bed for 30 mins, or maybe even just wiggling your toes. You start with the smallest task that is achievable, even though it seems stupid and pointless.

Eventually you get to the point where you can drag yourself out of bed and do some small things around your bedroom or house. Take it super slow, there's no rush. Paradoxically I find the motivation to do some task comes after you've achieved it, not before. The key is to be honest with yourself about your current capabilities, and pursue the smallest goal you can, building on this slowly. It may take years but you can surprise yourself with where you might end up.

I love David35s suggestion about the Men's Shed - eventually you may wish to try something like this. My thing was getting back into skateboarding as an adult. The key is to accept that even though there is a loud voice in your head saying "this is stupid", just keep pushing keep pushing step by step, and have trust that eventually the universe will reveal the point to you, and start to reward you in small but satisfying ways. Exploring spirituality can help with this too. Best,

yggdrasil

[therising]

Hi DallasG

I feel for you so much as you struggle in so many ways, including trying to lead people to understand how seriously lacking in energy you are. While it sounds simplistic, one of my triggers for depression is a seriously depressing lack of energy. If significant levels of energy is what really connects us to life, a depressing lack can be so deeply felt at times in so many ways.

Wondering if professionals have explored everything under the sun in regard why you're feeling next to no energy. There can be so many causes that lead to a depressing lack: Chemical imbalances, vitamin or mineral deficiencies, side effects of certain medications, sleep apnea and other sleep disorders, anxiety/high levels of stress, chronic fatigue as a result of ongoing anxiety/high levels of stress, protein deficiency, a lack of energy input in the way of certain chemistry in the right foods or low hydration levels impacting cell activity, not enough genuine relatable inspiration from people (to the point where you can actually feel inspiration give you some form of charge), no break from depressing inner dialogue, not enough sensory stimulation and the list goes on and on. Sometimes we can be experiencing a whole stack of ingredients from that list, which creates the perfect 'recipe' for depression.

Everything yggdrasil and David35 speak of relates to in increase in energy in one form or another. Wiggling your toes relates to increased activity in them. Greater energy comes through a sense of achievement and hits of dopamine to the brain. If you're an introverted type (can relate), joining a group may be challenging. Looking at it in a different way - going to meet the most outstanding person in a group (imagining someone there may change your life in some small way) may mean a sense of wonder or curiosity is the thing that leads you there, even if it's just for a one off visit, for a start. Something created within that group means coming a way with a sense of creativity (like with woodwork).

As a gal who's faced depression for a variety of reasons over years (including sleep apnea, B12 deficiency, pure exhaustion, a disintegrating marriage etc) the number of things that can lead to depression and keep us in it can be extensive.

Sometimes the question can be 'Did something depressing lead to an ever increasing lack of energy that's finally hit intolerable levels or did a serious lack of energy lead to a depression?'. Sometimes it can feel like a never ending cycle with no obvious starting point.