I have lost hope things will get better

[Q92]

In July last year my wife left me, she wanted to live a Polyamorous life and it was the first I heard of it. We were married 6 months and together for nearly 8 years. It broke me, I moved to be closer to friend and away from the places that hold memories and my family. I have been struggling with depression ever since, I have tried dating but finding someone who feels the same about me that I do about them seems impossible. I try to put a positive outlook on things but no matter how much I try, how much I hope for things to start gettings better they don't. Next month I will be able to file for divorce, I think the only reason I want to is so that I never have to have contact with my ex past that. I want to hope that I will fall in love again, have the life I thought I was leading and working towards. The more time that passes the more jaded and cynical I become. I wish every night that I could just fall asleep and not wake up so I didn't have to endure another day of pained existence. I care too much about my friend and family to take matters into my own hands so I just wish for it to be taken out of my hands instead. I don't want to visit my family for Christmas because of the anxiety I feel travelling back there. Everyone around me has something they are looking forward to or working towards, I don't have anything.

[Sophie_M]

Hi  Q92,

We are so sorry to hear about what you're going through; it sounds like it has been a tough time. Thank you for being part of our forums, it takes a lot of courage and strength to reach out for support and we are so glad that you have done so. We hope that you can get some support here, the community will be here to listen and chat with you. You can also reach out to Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 13 11 14.  We have sent you a private email so that we can support you further.

[Q92]

I am not really one for talking about things over the phone, writing stuff out helps me externalise everything and arrange my thoughts and feelings into something I can organise and express the way I mean it. I have been seeing a psychologist for the majority of this year and have been on antidepressants as well but it doesn't seem to be helping. My heart is broken and every attempt I have made at finding love again has just left me feeling more and more defeated and I am struggling to stay positive. I have tried taking breaks from dating but it results in me feeling even more hopeless and the loneliess is making me want to withdraw more and more from the world because I struggle to put a happy face on any more.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Q92,

Glad to hear that you have some support from a psychologist. We hope you also get some support here.  If you prefer to type rather than speak over the phone a good option for you might be to contact a helpline through webchat if you would like some further support. You can chat online with Beyond Blue from 1pm – 12am / 7 days a week.. 

[geoff]

Hello Q92, I feel the disappointment you are having with your wife's decision to be in a Polyamorous lifestyle as it only causes more problems and doesn't build a trusty relationship.

Can I suggest you file for a divorce, then review your medication with your doctor and then write down everything that troubling you, then you can hand this over to your psychologist, try and remember that everything can't be cured all at once.

Finding someone to love you is always good but it only stalls the problems you're facing for a short time because you still have to sort out these underlying concerns and have to find the medication that actually works for you.

If you could take one thing at a time and firstly get your divorce then a weight off your shoulders you will be the beginning.

Geoff.