I feel stuck in this mind game

[Nora5253]

Hi, I dont even know where to start. I have lost my motivation doing things since summer. Every summer I would somehow feel extra sad/ lonely. And usually it would stop when I fly back home to see my family and friends or until uni starts again. This year I graduated from uni and because of covid, I couldn't fly back. So I started my new job in the hospital earlier instead. I thought starting a new job would spice up my life and cheer myself up a little bit, but it remains the same and this year, I couldnt sleep in some of the days. The feeling of sadness would not go away. I tried to take some time off from work and went on a holiday because I thought I was just stressed about work but I couldnt enjoy anything or relax at all. But then I thought it might be because I felt I started working full time later than anyone else at my age so I started looking for something to help myself improving but no matter what I do, I still feel the same. Nothing works like it usually does. Whenever I talk about it with people, they would think that my life is perfect and there's nothing that I should be worrying or be upset about.

I feel stuck in this box that is full of negative emotions and I cant get out or figure it out why I am there. And yet my job can be emotionally draining on top of what is going on in my mind. But also very interesting, sometimes I would take extra shifts to keep myself busy because I feel like going to work can help me from thinking about all these. In the past few months, I just have been pushing through and trying to live my normal life, it is a constant battle against my own emotions and I dont know what to do anymore.

[geoff]

Hello Nora, and a warm welcome to the site, and I'm sorry for how you are feeling, sometimes we only wished the door would open up to be able to see any clarity in life, but this illness seems to be able to hold us tight with the thoughts going through our mind, it is an awful experience, and only wish it wasn't happening.

All we want to do is try and make people suffering from this, to have the strength to avoid any situation like this, but it's not easy to do but can be done slowly, and I only say this from the struggle I had to endure along with many other people.

Not being able to enjoy what you were expecting to, is such a disappointment, simply because that's exactly what you were hoping for, and from what you've told us and I'm not a qualified doctor but have been through what you are describing to us and it's certainly not a pleasant experience.

By getting a diagnosis will help you understand what you are struggling with, sometimes it's not what we expect, but those who are in the same situation as yourself need to know so the doctor can then treat you with medication and refer you onto a psychologist.

I know you work at a hospital, so you can make a choice between consulting a doctor there or by visiting your own doctor, sometimes the latter is preferable, only because they work full time and not shift work like a doctor at the hospital.

I'd like to make some more remarks but would like to hear back from you first.

Take care.

Geoff.

[james1]

Hello Nora5253,

Welcome to the forums.

Congratulations on graduating from uni this year, and starting your new job in the hospital. I imagine that must be quite a step for you professionally, though I'm sad to hear it hasn't helped you feel any better.

You mentioned that summer is usually worse for you and it would be improved when you flew home to see family and friends, or when uni starts again.

Please correct me if I am wrong, but it sounds like you are really struggling from loneliness and do not have sufficient people here to help you. Do you have any friends here that you get along really well with? I understand you've tried to speak to some people about how you feel, but they don't get it. Is there anyone here who understands you?

Unfortunately, keeping busy can help in the short term but loneliness is something that sticks around and affects so many of us. So while I'm glad you've generally been able to find a way to keep busy, I hope we can help you find some way to get some longer lasting happiness.

James