I feel lost and like a failure

[JRogan]

I’m 20, have sever depression and anxiety, usually I can cope pretty well and I can always help others with their own issues and problems but with me I don’t know what to do

my sister is 4 years older. Successful. I’m the opposite. every job I lose interest in or get too depressed or anxious to go and end up quitting or getting fired.

I don’t know what job to apply for or course to study. Nothing interests me and idk what to do, I hate being 20 and having no future, I have no money so I’m just costing money and I’m stuck in this endless cycle of going nowhere in life.

i want to work, really I do. I want to have my own house and have money and have a future but no matter how hard I try I just can’t stick with it or something goes wrong and I end up right where I started.

everyone says study something but I’ve looked at every course and I’m not interested, I work in hospitality but I’m too anxious to go to work. I’ve tried other places and it’s the same thing.

I have no qualifications, a year 10 pass. Maybe. I don’t actually know if I completed year 10 because I missed the last few weeks. That’s it. What do I do? Where do I go? Honestly it’s like I wasn’t meant to be here.

I wanted to study youth councilling which sounds ridiculous because I have depression but I can’t even do that without a year 12 pass and because I might not even have year 10 I don’t want to have to go back to school, at 20 and be in a class with a bunch of 15-16 year olds.

what do I do?

[Step_Twelve]

Hi JRogan,
Thanks for your post, I'm sorry to hear your depression and anxiety are getting severe lately.

The inability to experience passion and motivation in a job is a very common symptom of depression. But as you're quite young, it might also mean you just haven't found the right career path yet. If you think you'd make a good youth counsellor, you should absolutely go for it. Having depression isn't a barrier, it'll be one of your best qualifications!

I dropped out of high school in year 12 before finishing due to depression. My mum (wonderful human that she is) gave me time to grieve and get myself through the worst of it while she worked in the background to line up some kind of alternative education for me. She didn't know much about what I wanted to do, except that I like working with computers. She talked the local TAFE into letting me enrol late into a Cert 3 IT course and just told me I could start going to classes if/when I felt up to it. I eventually did. Then I did a Cert 4, then an IT degree, then moved into a career I really like. Not finishing year 12 was far from the disaster I thought it was going to be.

I'd recommend talking to a careers counsellor about how to get into the career you want. Often there are loads of alternative pathways - like studying year 11 & 12 through TAFE, or applying to Uni without an ATAR. (Sorry I'm too old to have any idea what the options are these days)

If you find that your lack of enthusiasm for study or work persists, it could be more clinical in nature. I'd recommend talking to GP and psychologist about it. There are always ways to get better.

You're absolutely not a failure. You're battling mental health issues that take a great deal of courage and perseverance to live with, and that's pretty cool on its own.

Good luck!
12

[therising]

Hi JRogan

Some folk can definitely make life look easy in regard to knowing who they are and what they want to do. You could almost curse them at times for having such confidence and clear direction. For others...it's not so easy.

Knowing what you don't want to do is skillful. The ability to tick things off a list so we can get closer to finding our true self can be a good thing, although a drawn out kind of process. We can go through a dozen jobs that don't hold our interest before we get to the one that leads to some sense of fulfillment. Myself, I figured out I cannot work with the public (does my head in). Have spent the majority of my adult life in the care industry - disability and aged care. I like the challenge of getting to know people and helping them rise to a more fulfilling life. By the way, I admire anyone who works with the public (retail, bus drivers and so on). I admire their patience and their self control regarding thoughtless customers.

Have you given any consideration to speaking to someone from your secondary school? This way you could clear up the wondering of having completed year 10 as well as perhaps speaking to someone in the way of adult education opportunities. Maybe there's some sort of recognised online study. Looking into government support (financial assistance) for students could be the way to go also. Step 12 mentioned a great aspect (TAFE) also worth looking into.

Some folk go back to school quite late in life. You hear about 60 year olds go back to study law for example and whilst some will say 'What's the point of that?' the answer is FULFILLMENT. I believe the goal in life is not to find the right job or the best job, it's to find the most fulfilling one. Whether it provides personal fulfillment or financial fulfillment (which funds life outside of work), we should never aim to settle for a soul destroying job.

We raise our self through rising to challenges, there's no doubt about it. Some challenges will be incredibly hard and some very simple. Some will call for us to manage the high energy that comes with anxiety and/or the low energy that comes with depression. Some will call for us to ask for assistance. Some will simply call for us locate a public toilet. Every time we rise, we are raising our self in some way, often to higher consciousness and greater knowledge. Setting goals to consciously rise to can help set us in motion when it comes to the habit of raising our self.

🙂

[anders]

Hi JRogen, the first thing you need to work on is to stop comparing.

I'm 34yrs old - I don't own a house, dont have kids, never married, had failed relationships, only started driving. My younger sister, is married with a kid to a rich guy, who owns 3 houses and an expensive car. But my life and her life differs - I've travelled, lived in multiple countries, met a lot of people. She hasn't. We are who we are - and you can't compare it with someone else.

Regarding studies - I worked for 10years in the same field, and had a senior position at my work. But I got bored, and so I decided to go back to school. I'm 34 while the other students are in their early 20's. I don't have a problem with it because I am doing it for myself. It doesn't matter what other people think. They say the biggest regret is not trying at all - so just try multiple things. You're young. There's no right or wrong. If it doesn't work out, then at least you know you tried. Its better than being stagnant and wondering of the possibilities when you can act on them.