i dont even know, i think im burning out

lilypad_the_ok

hey there, this is going to sound really dumb just as a disclaimer.

I know that as a kid who goes to a pretty good high school, and has supportive family and friends who genuinely love me, im very lucky. I feel pretty ungrateful writing this...

Sometimes i feel like genuinely no one understands me. like i really want to scream and rage but i also don't want to at the same time?

I'm fine when im with friends and family, like surrounded with people i love. but when i'm by myself i suddenly feel very hollow and empty. like i'm not even human, and i can't feel anything. i just feel very heavy and like life is pointless all of a sudden.

i had suicidal thoughts a while back, like a few months ago. i don't get them anymore, i just want to go to sleep sometimes in like a coma and wake up, and everything will be alright and time will have moved on, and i'll have passed my exams or something...

i'm definitely a perfectionist, and this is going to sound really pathetic but i feel very disappointed whenever i don't get 100%, since i often do. i don't want to sound like a brat, and i'm sorry if i do, but lately i've been flagging and getting 80s to 90s. i know lots of people would probably be ecstatic with those grades, but unfortunately i'm not. now that i've been getting these grades i'm starting to feel really worthless and i'm losing motivation.

i do want to tell my parents, especially my mum who i think is closer to me. but she's really stressed as a family member is sick, and i don't want to burden her even more. i tried mentioning it a while back but she doesn't seem to get it, and i think she herself is kind of depressed. what should i do? because it's not serious to the point that it's affecting my life or that people can tell, since i can still function. i'm too tired and scared, and stressed to reach out for help. i think this might be depression, but i also feel like it's really stupid and pathetic knowing that there are people far worse off than me.

in short, i just feel like a pretty ungrateful brat. sorry for the long rant.

hope you guys get better, anyhow. (not assuming, of course, that everyone here is depressed or other)

Guest_10565

Life goes on and on we change and so do the people around us not the person I was before not the person I'm going to be in the future just stuck trying to make the most of the present,

Or chasing your tail is the metaphor I know it as

Hey glad you spoke out about your suicidal idealization, and glad it is isn't a problem phew

I'm not to sure of your age my friend but there's a mental health triage line you can call to talk to a registered mental health nurse anywhere in Australia, that can redirect and refer you to other services or get you linked in with a support worker, if you can manage your on way to your appointments after school or what not anyway the number I use is 1800 011 511

lilypad_the_ok

hey, thanks for the reply. I know I kinda wrote a lot...its nice knowing that someone took their time to read through it all.

im just not sure if I should really go and ask for help, since I feel like its not affecting my life that much yet, I just feel like that when im by myself or stuck in my own head. and I don't want to bother anyone with my issues, which is why im ranting on here instead of looking for a counsellor, since I feel like its not that bad yet?

idk lowkey. thanks for reading it tho, friend.