I don't really feel anything anymore...why could this be?

[faegirl]

Hi there,
I'm not exactly too good at conveying my thoughts in a succinct manner, so I'm sorry if this get's confusing.

As the title says I don't really feel anything anymore. I sort of walk around like some sort of robot, going through the motions, feigning happiness when I'm in my classes at uni and I don't know if this is normal? It's almost like my base mood is really quite low and flat, and that I feel empty as if there's nothing left in me. I don't genuinely feel happiness (only fleeting moments), I don't even feel sad a lot of the time, I just don't really feel anything.

I'll admit, I've put myself through a lot of sleep deprivation due to studying which started maybe around year 12 (so I've done it on and off for about 3 years), and my diet hasn't been the best so that could be why I feel low on energy at times, but I have been working on sleeping more instead of staying up late to finish work.

Despite this, my low / empty feelings persist, it feels more than just tiredness. I don't care for things anymore. Things don't give me any satisfaction, I don't get really upset over things anymore (aside from when I'm super stressed from uni and break down haha), I don't get really happy over anything either. Music, the one thing which I swore I could never live without, which used to make me feel good, is now starting to sound like noise in my ears to block out the world. I don't really know why I am this way.

I used to put this "deadness" down to my personality, I've been this dry/kind of emotionless person for as long as I can remember, but I think lately it's gotten a little worse. I was always told as a child to "smile more" or to stop being pessimistic etc. but now I've kind of begun to wonder whether this is just my personality or if it is something more?

At times, on top of my low mood I get hit with really dark periods where I lose all motivation, I don't talk to anyone (not that I have anyone aside from my family to talk to anyway), I don't do anything. I just sit in bed and watch crap on netflix or youtube to distract myself from the thoughts. I feel that I cry more easily nowadays (and I don't really know why because I don't feel extremely sad) and these periods have started happening more frequently as of late.

I don't know if this is depression. I don't have any real reason to be depressed. Is it all in my head? I really have no idea anymore. Has anyone felt the same way before?

[MrAllGood]

Thanks for the response & advice! 🐵

[MrAllGood]

Thanks for the response & welcome...had an up & down weekend which continued today...I now (late Monday) seem to be getting over this current low though which is good. Read some articles about Dysthymia over the weekend which kind of helped and was recommended some herbal medication in the SAMe category - gonna give them a go - not cheap but worth a try. Take care.

[stormcloudz]

No worries. How are you doing at the moment?

[Chloe_M]

Hey! How are you feeling now MrAllGood?

Good that you are sort of getting to know your diagnosed MH issue. How are you feeling about the diagnosis after reading a but about dysthymia?

give those herbal medications a try, you never know, it might help!

x take care of yourself

Chloe

[xxrubyredgirlxx]

I feel as empty as everyone else says, my emotions is so numb ive forgotten the warm feeling of happiness and ive just learned not to care anymore, i fake a smile everyday and hope for the best but the emptiness is always there, it's kind of a lonely existence that no one can cheer me up with, i only want to curl up in a ball and cry in darkness and push everyone away

[stormcloudz]

Hi rubyredgirl

I'm sorry you are hurting. Do you have anyone to support you?

[Chloe_M]

Hi Ruby,

I relate so much to your situation. I'm a fake in front of others because I can't be myself without being judged.

Do you perhaps have a thread? You can post the link if you do and I'll pop over.

x Chloe

[White_Rose]

Dear Ruby

Hello and welcome to the forum. I am sorry you are having such a bad time. The forum is a good place to talk about what is happening to you and perhaps feel a little comforted to know you are not the only one to be depressed. Chloe has suggested you start your own thread as your needs may get lost in this thread. By starting your own thread you will find many more people will talk to you. If you feel more comfortable here then stay for a while.

I know the faking it feeling. I have done this for many years on and off. A major stressor will start the whole thing off and I will then get rid of, hopefully, the stressor and the depression. It does get easier.

Can you tell us a little about yourself? It's not being nosey, it's about helping you the best we can. There are also resources on BB which may help as well. Top of the page, The Facts drop down list. You will also find the K10 checklist for depression which would be good for you to complete.

Of course you may already be taking steps to get well. Happy to help you as much as possible. Have you talked to your GP about the way you feel and what is happening for you? Do you see a psychologist or psychiatrist?

Come back and talk to us, or if you have started your own thread, let us know where it is. The forum is available 24/7, well unless someone is doing maintenance.

Mary

[Peppermintbach]

Hi rubyredgirl,

You sound so sad and disconnected. Sorry, I don’t have much to say that will be helpful but I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. I’ve been feeling a little numb too lately so I can relate to your feelings of not quite being “here.”

I don’t know if this will help you or not but I have found reminding myself of my physical presence/reality helpful by using our senses to engage with our environment. For example, applying light pressure to an object, squeezing an object (pillow, blanket, etc), spraying perfume, etc can help make me feel more “real” again.

Thinking of you today.

Kind thoughts,

Pepper

[Peppermintbach]

Hi faegirl,

Sorry, my earlier post isn’t up yet but what I wanted to say was I meant to address both you and rubyredgirl.

So if you only see his/her name in the other post, please know it’s meant for you as well 🙂

Kind thoughts,

Pepper