Hi, I’m pretty new to beyondblue, as I have never really struggled like I am now. A few weeks ago, pretty suddenly, I was overwhelmed with feelings of intense guilt (about things I didn’t necessarily feel guilty about before), and either in conjunction to or because of that, feelings of intense sadness and stress. For the first three days especially I felt absolutely horrible, guilt was the most overwhelming feeling, and from that feelings of worthlessness flooded in. I apologised to numerous people for numerous things, some warranted, but most not. But more things just replaced those issues, it did get slightly better as I apologised for the things that were really bothering me, but there are definitely still residual feelings of guilt even now from everything I apologised for, especially the big things. Although, thankfully, the feelings of worthlessness have eased. I had a breakdown one night lying in bed in that first week, where the guilt just overwhelmed me and it was a horrible experience, so then I was terrified and anxious about going to bed each night. I was kind of hoping it was just intense pms, as it came on very suddenly and there were often times I just became sad and teary for no apparent reason (which happens sometimes when I’m pmsing), there were also times when something triggered it. I’m so tired of this, it’s constantly on my mind, I can only truly distract myself into forgetting for around 15 minutes at most, sometimes longer if I’m out with friends. It has become a bit easier, I don’t know whether that’s because it’s eased, I’m better at managing it, or because I’ve alleviated some of the guilt. I really don’t know what to do, and it’s so hard to tell whether this is depression or just a bit more intense sadness than I’m used to. How can you tell? I really don’t ever want be back where I was those first 3-5 days, even now it’s still pretty horrible. But it feels like I’m just counting down the days to another breakdown.
