I don’t know what I’m feeling

[discodahlia]

hi everyone,

during the pandemic, i have really begun to struggle in my everyday life. work got really tough for me. i have genuinely never struggled so much with what i did, but i thought i was getting better. then a month or so ago, work became too much, as did uni. now i’m at the stage where my body is exhausted, i’m overwhelmed in everything i do, i get irritated at small things, i’m so unmotivated to do uni and work, i breakdown are least once every week or two weeks. i’ve has to take two weeks of annual leave from work but i still don’t necessarily feel better. i’m just at that stage where i don’t know what to do- i just feel like a failure. one day i’m feeling amazing, and then the next day i just snap and i’m stuck in this strange mood where i sit by myself and don’t speak to anyone. i’ve never reached out like this before, but i’m too scared to go to the doctor because i always think i’m overreacting. i’ve grown up in a family where i’ve learnt to just get up and move on, and i’m not one to share my feelings. i just don’t know what i’m feeling. when i was younger i did have anxiety, but i’ve overcome most of that and working through it. i can’t tell if i’m just experiencing a strain of anxiety again because i’ve never felt this way before.

thank you guys for the help, i really appreciate it 🙂

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Re: "...but i’m too scared to go to the doctor because i always think i’m overreacting". That is a problem with many people. For some reason we all tend to under estimate our symptoms with mental illness. I'd urge you to visit your GP.

Also feeling good one day and terrible the next- many things can cause that. I'd suggest lack of sleep is also something people under estimate with its ramifications. The day you feel good might be due to sound sleep without dreams etc. Some people have sleep apnea whereby you stop breathing many times a night like I did and need a sleep test then perhaps a air pump machine to regulate the breathing. At this point I'd keep a diary of your good and bad sleeping pattern.

Extra advice is available by placing the following in the search bar at the top

depression and the timing of motivation

A good nights deep sleep

depression and concentration

crying, a gauge of our mental strength

TonyWK

[YogiLove_]

Hi Lovely,

I have been experiencing the same thing. My symptoms started a month ago and I hit crisis point a week ago. You are not alone with what you are feeling. Ive been under extreme work stress too this year with Covid. My family have all moved back down south and my partner moved as well a week or so ago back down south too so im feeling alone. Hence the crisis I think.

I was feeling suicidal, anxious, teary, loathed going to work and had no zest for life at all. I made myself go to the GP and she did a DASS assessment on me which indicated I have severe anxiety and depression. I was in shock and didn't realise how bad I really was - I was happy I went to see her for help even though I was feeling like a failure. She linked me in with some supports and I started medication which was a massive deal for me. I was always the person that felt medication was extreme and I never thought for one second I would ever have to take it in my lifetime.

Ive been taking the meds and have had some up and down days too. I had a few days off work this week - I was told to take a month off but my position at work makes that hard to do so. I have two weeks booked over xmas which I cant wait for. Going down to see my family which I cant wait for either. I have been doing some other small changes and celebrating the small wins such as getting out of bed, showering etc.

Self care is huge and I need to get better at this too.

I too had never felt this way in my whole life and felt like a massive failure, rubbish mother (im also a single mum) and crap manager. I guess the point of me sharing my story is to tell you that you are not on your own, that seeing your GP can help and that we are all in this together - keep smiling! You got this 🙂

[Em_Louise]

Hello!

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling in lockdown, but I hope it brings you some peace knowing you aren’t alone. Reading your post I was like :0 that’s me to a ‘T’.

Especially this year I felt super tired, emotional, irritable, incredibly insecure and drained especially, every now and again I’d get really anxious or have some sort of breakdown, but then I would have good days - quite a few, like random unprovoked mood swings, but because I was still ‘functioning’ and seemed fine I never took myself seriously. However after a while, I reached out to a friend I trusted who suggested I bring it up with my GP - and I won’t lie to you it was scary. But I did it. So far I have only had two sessions with a psychologist and to be honest I still feel ‘not bad enough’ especially hearing friends or people around me unload what they’re struggling with. It’s really hard to take yourself seriously when you are aware people have it ‘worse’ but I am trying my best to follow advice and hopefully get a diagnosis because I am rather lost at the moment. So just know, you aren’t alone in this, you matter and your feelings are valid ALWAYS. I encourage you to seek help because you deserve to not suffer in silence.

If you ever feel like you’re questioning/ not prioritising your mental health, I like to remember that old saying that’s like; ‘‘you can drown under 30 feet or 3 feet of water’’. Because unfortunately mental illness is hard and competitive and scary, but you won’t ever be ‘satisfied’ or feel ‘bad enough’ and I, struggling to accept that too, so just take care of yourself as best as possible 🙂

[AnonymousID]

It's okay to feel this way. It's also okay to get help. I highly advise talking to a doctor. I was once like you. I never got help and let it get worse until I eventually attempted suicide. I put the people I care about through so much. If I could change the past I would have went to a doctor and sought help to prevent putting people through that. Don't repeat my mistakes, get help!