Hi bril4
Do you feel your own personal new year (your birthday) is somewhat of a trigger for you at the moment, for a variety of different reasons? Does it have a bit of a 'Happy New Year' vibe about it but it actually feels like the opposite of a happy new year? You know that new year vibe (1st of Jan) where people are considering resolutions and what they've achieved or not achieved in the year that's passed.
I think it's really tough, given the fact that no one really prepares us in a lot of ways when it comes to 'how to make it through and manage the depressing factors or times in life'. It's kinda like 'Okay, I'll be there to support you in learning to crawl, walk, speak etc. I'll feed you, put a roof over your head, send you through school, teach you some basic manners etc etc' and then it's a little like 'Okay, good luck with life. Off you go to work the rest out for yourself'. What the...?! Hang on a sec, how do I manage my feelings and emotions? How do I manage identifying the need for guidance and identifying the most reliable people to get it from? How do I manage incredible highs mixed with overwhelming lows and all the things that can prove anxiety inducing? How do I manage times where it feels like I have next to no energy and a deep need to figure out why? The list goes on with all the stuff most of us really aren't taught how to manage. It becomes a 'figure it out as you go' kind of existence in some ways. It really does become hard work, especially if we're someone who feels deeply.
How are we taught to manage our feelings, relying on them as a kind of compass, giving us a sense of direction? How do we manage 'Not being able to see or feel the way forward'? Personally, after all these years of managing the ins and outs of depression, one key thing I've learned is...when I can't see the way forward in my mind and when I can't feel anything other than the depressing feeling of standing still with no sense of direction, it always becomes a call for me to find a guide, someone who can see and feel for me (when I'm in the dark). It can often be about finding the person who lights the way or the people who light the way. Whether that's a professional, a family member, friend or even people here on the forums, always strive to seek those who can help shed some light. If you are a deeply feeling kind of person, you'll get a feel for such people in your life (compared with those who leave you feeling like you're standing still or heading in the wrong direction).
