I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel

[Violet_falls]

I'm acknowledging that I'm not actually ok and I feel very low and I'm so sad inside. I keep telling everybody I'm fine, I dont want loved ones to worry about me. But pretending I'm fine is not the same as actually being fine I've realised. It's been almost 12 months since separation with my husband and I thought I would be feeling better by now as some time has passed and I have tried to get on with things. Life is very difficult now on my own with the kids and I'm still carrying a heavy heart from the end of a marriage, disappointment, grief, stress, worry, sadness, dv trauma from the marriage and some financial hardships now. So I find it difficult alot of the time to want to or be able to do small tasks around the home. I'm not sleeping or eating. I avoid crowds and social settings now. I just want to be alone alot. I also feel like I don't have time to fall apart or sink any lower because I have young children that depend on me and I have to go to work and I have to keep moving and functioning. But I just don't feel ok and im struggling internally. Anxiety has severely heightened for me this week due to an incident involving myself that has caused me mortification and I feel like I'm at absolute rock bottom inside at this point. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Violet_falls, 

This sounds like a really difficult and isolating time. It sounds like it’s been a really challenging time particularly considering your separation, it can also hard to manage your own wellbeing through such a big change. Please be kind to yourself. 

We’re glad you could share this here, as our lovely community will have kindness, advice and understanding for you. Is there anyone that you feel able to talk to about this? It sounds like you could really do with talking things through, so please don’t hesitate to give the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here. There are also some really good pointers here for staying connected, and finding support through a trying time.  
 
As you mentioned you have young children, you could also speak to the Family Relationship Advice Line on 1800 050 321. They offer free advice to families going through separation. There’s also Parentline (who have a number for each state listed here) - they have advice on co-parenting when separating, here on their site. which may be useful for you.

We're sorry that you are having such a difficult time, you have shown such strength in posting. It is wonderful that you have been able to reach out for support here on the forums, it must have been difficult to write this post, but you never know who might read it and feel less alone in their own experience. Please keep sharing whenever you feel comfortable to do so. We hope our warm and kind community will spot your post and offer their support soon.  

Kind regards, 

Sophie M 

[Colourful07]

Hello Violet_falls,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. It is my first time here on these forums and I'm quite grateful to have come across your post. I'm so sorry to read of your struggles and feelings and circumstances. We in fact have quite a lot in common and hearing of your struggles has really made me feel as though I am not alone in sharing so many of the same feelings as you. The season you are in post-divorce and parenting solo is incredibly difficult and tumultuous. I have been there and felt as though this time of around 12 months post separation was most challenging, and the feelings of guilt and anger at myself for not being ok by now and being in a position where life has added pressures as a solo mum instead of easier after leaving a toxic relationship were very hard. Some things that have seen me through have been seeing a great psychologist, anti-depressant medication, joining a gym with group fitness, being more deliberate with my self care, and proritising sleep and a good diet. I still have incredibly hard days but every day i focus on what I am grateful for and what my strengths are and I'm sure you have so many. Many journalling could be helpful? You dont need to worry about being ok next week, month etc just focus on what you need for today and and incorporate things and people that make you happy each day. I hope so much you are ok!!