I am useless and worthless

[MargoR]

I am not that young, after 35. Female. First, I am quiet nice and friendly person, great mum and wife, but those things don't work at all. All my life I tried to do something, be someone, be useful and motivated. I am hard-worker and have very strong willpower. Everything that I did looks like I spent my time for nothing. I started yoga, had so much passion for that. Ended up like a shit, because working on my body more than 2 years I can't do any poses, because I am not flexible enough. Tired to prove that I can do. I tried to write a book, worked hard, spent a lot of money. At the end it wasn't good enough, as editor said. My book is not that bad, some other could be completely stupid, but they are successful, because they are lucky. I can't work on my books anymore, without perfect English knowledge it's useless. (I wasn't born English speaking). My husband saying that I failure too, because he can see that all my work that I started simply unfinished. I can't go further if I feel like nothing works for me. I am good at acting, but my agent said I am not good for that business, because I wasn't born in this country. Only words that I can hear: "Not good, not enough, not beautiful, not talented, TOO OLD, not Australian". I have nothing and completely worthless. I feel like an alien, like unwanted piece of puzzle. I feel rejected. I want to learn a personal trainer, but scared I will fail there as well. All my hard work ended up fail, no matter how hard I am working (and I am working very hard. No one need my hard work). I don't have any friends, people truly like successful ones. I stopped believe in people long time ago. I hate social media, they taking me into deeper depression. I can't talk to anyone, because I feel like people don't want to hear about this. My closest and only one friend died because of depression and I don't want to end up like her. I am very fit and sporty, exercising daily, very healthy and to other people I am very happy and positive person . But I am not at all. I don't want to go to psychologist, it won't help. I can't talk about it even with doctor. I am not religious and don't want to be. For myself, I think nothing can help me. Being very productive I had a lot's of ideas to do something, but always fail at the end. It means I am stupid. The reason that I am writing here because my case is simply too hard to understand. I just wanted to write it here, may be I will feel much better. Thank you for reading.

[white knight]

Hi Margo, welcome

You did a fine job describing your feelings, well done. It isnt easy.

You are not alone. Many of us here have had so many personality challenges.

Two things come immediately to mind. Positive thinking and raising your bar too high.

Baby steps allow us to progress and reap regular benefits thus increasing our confidence. If we commence a personal trainer course and it is too long or other factors get in the way, we will feel a failure.

I wrote a book also. I was rejected by 22 editors. I too had not perfect English. I've since learned that it is extremely difficult to get your book published near impossible. Short stories written into small magasines might get you success...then you can grow as a writer. My book had some poetry. So i sent poems to magasines and I've had 10 published. I have for 11 years written poetry to victims of crime. I've had wonderful feedback.

Positivity. Its a long road but to help change the way your mind is operating negatively you can read these threads. Use google

Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue

Topic: confidence, how do you get it?- beyondblue

Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

Youtube Maharaji sunset

Youtube Maharaji the perfect instrument.

i can do many things but not sport. You are better at that than me.

Tony WK

[MargoR]

Thank you very much Tony for a good reply. It's not that I didn't try. Tried but tired. I know about positive vibes and so on. I am positive in everything, but things are not working for me. It's just never worked since my childhood. One person, I know said, that I am totally unlucky human being, because everything in this world is against me. She said that people like me was born like that. I didn't actually believe till now. May be she is right.

I've been through many things: abuse, being parent-less, being homeless and hungry, got cancer, survided all of that, but may be I didn't realize that could be the reason for that. May be it's just my normal state of life? May be I was born to be looser? And nothing I can do about it. Looks like that. Sorry, for being depressive. Can't think positively about that.

[Quiettall]

Hi Margo

I hear your pain and feelings of worthlessness. However, can I encourage you by saying that it is not whether you have succeeded in completing anything. It is that you have given things a good go. That you can be proud of....you are positive and willing to try your hand at something. I admire you for that. One day you will find something that you might truly succeed in...but if you dont, its the journey, not the destination that is important.

If you like writing, why not write some more postings here to share about your experiences, what you've learnt, what drives you to take on these activities. Others here would find this good reading and be well worth you doing this for yourself as well as for others. As you get responses to your writings, you might build up enough courage and strength to have a go at writing again, or do something else that emerges for you.

I admire you for giving life a go. I am also one who loves to try his hand at lots of things. I cant think of anything that I perfected, but I have really enjoyed the experiences, the journey, if not the final outcome. And even at my age, (60), I will still take on new things to learn and do. Life is a continual journey of learning and experiencing.