hugs?

[diaplayname]

Just curious if anyone has gone a substantial period of time without hugs, how does/did it effect your depression and self esteem. My last hug was seven years ago, sometimes I feel like that is all I am missing from life. I feel like I am a friendly, outgoing and reasonably confidant guy. I just can't convince someone to hug me.

I would really appreciate any feedback from someone in a similar situation.

"You were right, it is good to have something to do with my hands, sometimes I can almost forget what I have lost, sometimes. Then the memories return and I feel as if I am choking on them."

[Lillybell]

Hi Diaplayname, I've only been thinking recently myself how much I miss hugs. My husband and I are still together but are estranged in our marriage so there are never hugs. And we sleep in the same bed! Sometimes I just want to be held. I think hugs fulfill a real need in us as humans. The only thing that has replaced it for me lately, is holding my new grandson. There is something healing and calming about holding a baby. It is a wonderful experience. Gives me hope for the future just looking into that little face. And yes, I think hugs are a natural anti depressant. There is nothing like human touch to instill a sense of peace and contentment.

[Jo3]

Hi Displayname,

You know I miss being hugged as well.  My parents didn't speak to me for 3 yrs about I told them of my memories of childhood sexual abuse.  And you know the only thing i wanted was - a hug from my dad, i wanted to feel his arms around me so tightly and to say to me it;s okay we will help you.  but for 3 yrs i craved for his hug, i cried and cried.  Well 2 weeks ago we reconciled after my grandma passed away. And I finally got my hug, I cried and cried when my dad hugged me, it felt like i was a little girl again.

But that's the only hug I got, my husband doesn't hug me.  I agree with Lillybell in that we need hugs to feel human. I agree that holding a baby is calming and healing.

Maybe there should be a "give me a hug day" !!!!

Jo

[Neil_1]

Hi Diaplayname (or is that supposed to be Displayname? - either way, it's a damn good post that you provided)

I think it does definitely affect your mood, your being, your self-esteem and ultimately, depression.  Yes.

I think Lillybell provided an excellent response and I'm sorry to hear of your current relationship that would appear doesn't allow for hugs;  and nor you either Diaplayname, which is no good either.

I'm in a long term relationship (some 19 years) and there are hugs, but only if I initiate them.  Which irks and upsets me from time to time, but what can you do?

I get more hugs from my beautiful 13yo daughter, we always have a hug before she goes to bed.  My 15yo son is a different matter though ... but boy oh boy, at times when I've been in an awful place, my son is like out dog.  They both sense suffering and sadness and both will sit with me and my son will hug me (the dog obviously can't, but he shoves in as close as he can get and would hug if you knew how too).

Cheers

Neil

[geoff]

dear Diaplayname, being hugged is a respond that we all desire and really need, it's a physical connection that bonds two people.

I have my 30 year old son living with me at the moment and every time I see him in the morning and at night I hug him and I do kiss him on his neck, it's a fatherly bonding, just as I do exactly the same with my other son, I have no shame in doing so, especially after I came out of depression, but this is a different hug than to one with the opposite sex.

There is a lady who works on and off at a large supermarket but she has coeliac, but she fits under my arm but everytime I see her in the aisle I go up and give her a little cuddle and a kiss on top of her head, mind you I do this for myself, because I do have a lack of hugs and cuddles from ladies, which I do really miss.

There are so many times I would love to have a hug from a female but they are lacking, and being single it's not so appropriate just to expect for them to give me one, as they may think 'it's a come on', so it's back to Moo-Moo. Geoff.

[diaplayname]

Thanks for the replies. My name was meant to be displayname (irony is wasted on typo's!) I think it's great you hug your kids geoff. My father never hugged me and growing up my mother was going through a series of nervous breakdowns and bipolar which made an affectionate and trusting relationship difficult.

I wasn't expecting to see so many parents on this site please appreciate your families and just make your children feel loved. I truly believe that is the best gift anyone can be given, a sense of unshakeable self worth that no one can take away.

[gibby3794]

i totally agree there displayname, i am not a father but me and my father dont talk much, when i ring while his at work he will answer but only for a minute or two and then he has to hang up (which is fair enough) but then when i ring while he isnt working i always get message bank and he will then whinge to my step mum who he is no longer with that i do not call him and he thinks i hate him, but in reality it is exact opposite, when i had my old car someone had backed into my back door and took off half the paint and caved it in so i just put primmer over it to stop rust as i live near the ocean, he came down to drop my brother off and the first thing he said was "you need to get hub caps and fix the door and boot) it bothered me but i pretended it didnt, and then when i was going up to see him in my new car (but still dented and crappy) i was trying to hide all the wires hanging out and mask up the dents and stuff just to try and make him like it a bit more, turns out he did like it (i personally dont know why lol) but what i am saying here is that my dad sending me mixed signals as to weather he wants to talk to me or not is doing a lot of damage (wayyy more than i let on as i pretend i couldnt care less) so yeah all the parents out there please make sure your kids know you do love them, and if you dont live near them, pick the phone up and call them just to say hi, they may not show it but it will mean a lot especially if yous do not talk on a regular basis 🙂

[Guest_1055]

Hi all, yeah this is an old thread. But I wanted to post in it in hope it will help someone else on Beyond Blue. It's you... the man who likes astronomy, reading, is an artist and also is a hugger wannabe....

May you soon read this...