I think my final diagnosis may be wrong?

[MrsOverwhelmed]

Hi all,

Apologies if this post is a bit muddled, I find it hard to explain myself a lot of the time recently.

I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and have had both since I hit puberty, maybe even a bit before.

I had a dysfunctional childhood with a bit of trauma sprinkled in there, a troubled adolescence, and even though I have what most would consider a successful life i.e married, new house, new car, good job that I'm moving up in, etc I feel like a complete fraud because I don't even know how I've managed to do all of this, I feel so fractured all the time I don't even know how to explain it.

I have been to a few psychs throughout my life none of which I have felt have truly understood what I am trying to explain to them. They'll ask a question and I'll answer and then they'll repeat back to me to make sure they've understood but what they repeat isn't what I've said and even if I try explain it seems to get nowhere.

The therapy has helped to some degree for sure, but I feel I may have been diagnosed with GAD and depression as that's what they usually diagnose, and they haven't understood the full picture.

From the research I have done, I believe I may have bipolar, probably bipolar 2, however when I mentioned this to my psych she dismissed it. Probably thought I was exaggerating? Who knows.

I have gone through every disorder that may even slightly resemble how I feel and narrowed it down to the ones that overlap and that I have the most symptoms of, and have got to a psych and shown her what my research has come to and she didn't take much notice of it at all, at least from what I could see.

i feel at a bit of a loss because I don't have the energy or time or money to keep going to a psych or finding a new psych. I work in a demanding industry and time off is very limited, and with all the other stuff in my life I feel like I don't have the time to contact any try fix these problems and get no results.

I now have digestive issues, sleep issues, I've developed severe OCD and social anxiety in the last 2-3 years and my arachnophobia has become so intense it's a problem.

I don't feel like myself, but then I don't even know who "myself" is. I feel like I lost my identity long ago.

Can anyone with bipolar 1 or 2 possibly give me some insight? Or does it sound like I was correctly diagnosed as GAD and depression?

I just don't know what's wrong with me or how to fix it 😞

[MrsOverwhelmed]

Forgot to add I'm female and 22, in case that makes any difference to anything.

[Kazzl]

Hello Mrs Overwhelmed, welcome to the forum. I have bipolar 2, diagnosed early last year after 15 years of being treated for depression. It's not uncommon for bipolar to go undiagnosed, or be labelled something else, even by experienced psychs. I can't, of course, say whether you have bipolar, but I can share my experiences and resources.

First, when you talk about psychs, do you mean psychologists or psychiatrists? Psychologists focus on talking therapy and are not doctors. They can be immensely helpful to us once we have a diagnosis, but in my opinion (and it is just mine) the initial diagnosis must be made by a doctor. Bipolar is a medical condition of the brain that manifests in our behaviour, thoughts and emotions. It is often genetic. Have you spoken with your GP about it?

It's good you have done some research, but we do have to be careful with Dr Google, and make sure the information we read is from a reputable source. The very best as far as I'm concerned comes from the Black Dog Institute. On their website you'll find a questionaire that can help with diagnosis. It can't give you a definite answer, but it is a diagnostic tool that many medical doctors use.

No matter what hun, if you are not satisfied with the diagnosis you've received, if your psych is dismissive of your concerns, persist. It's not about doctor hopping to get the diagnosis you want, as some people might say, (and heavens knows no-one actually wants to be diagnosed with bipolar), it's about finding a doctor who listens and connects with you so you are able to trust their judgement. Bipolar isn't always an easy thing to diagnose and it could well be that your present psych is right (actually I hope so). But if you're not convinced, you need to pursue it, for your own peace of mind.

I'm happy to talk more about my experiences if that helps you, and there are various threads on the forum by people with bipolar (mine is This Bipolar Life, on the Longstanding Journey board). Perhaps have a read and see if anything resonates with you.

Best wishes to you

Kaz

[SubduedBlues]

Welcome Mrs Overwhelmed..

because I don't even know how I've managed to do all of this

Often when we stop to take account of where we are in life, we cannot fathom how we got here. Because we cannot see the road that brought us here, nor remember the key aspects of the journey, sometimes we may feel as though we don't deserve it. When actually, our life, our history and our journey is the sum of all the little decisions and single steps we have taken along the way.

When I realized this, I was finally empowered to affect positive change in the direction my life was headed. Sure, I still make mistakes, and often I see things in my past that I would rather not have done, but all-in-all I am finding my millions one cent at time.

I hope that is not too profound.
SB