How to help my son who has been under depression

[Myer]

My son moved out about a year and half ago.  He came home to collect his belongings and stayed for about 10 minutes a year ago.  He almost never spoke or texted me over the last one and half years.  He read my text message in about a week after I sent him until 2 months ago when he came back to collect his last piece of stuff.  We had a good chat for about an hour.  He told me a lot about his daily life.  I got a feeling he was OK.  He didn't have a job as he hadn't found one that he really liked.  I was happily listening and wished him to find a job that he really liked one day.  I invited him over to have lunch with his grandma on her birthday in Oct.  He said OK.  I was so glad he was OK.

Last week a hospital called me and told me he was in hospital.  Police sent him to the hospital as he tried to harm himself.  I got there.  He had his eyes closed, wouldn't look at me or talk.  Hospital discharged him next day.  I wanted to take him to my place.  He wanted to go to his place.  I took him to his place.

He said he couldn't sleep at hospital and was very tired on the way to his place.  I thought he was going to have a sleep.  He turned on his computer and started something after he had a shower instead of sleeping after we got his place.  I tried to have a conversation with him.  He got his eyes closed and wouldn't talk.  I must be saying wrong thing.  I thought it was time for me to leave. I sent him a few messages to tell him how sorry I was for what had happened to him, how much I loved him, and I was willing to help him whenever he needed after I got home.  He didn't read my messages until 5 days later and didn’t reply to me. I called him next day and asked him if I could visit him and have a lunch with him in a few days.  He said "No".

I really don't know what to do or say to make him feel better or help him to get better.  I offered him an overseas trip with me, or I would pay a trip for him to wherever he wanted to visit.  I thought that might help him a bit.  He said ‘No’.

Can anyone please give me some ideas what I can do to help him?  He seems refuses any of my help. 

Thank you all.

[JustanNPC]

I'm not a mental health professional, please bear that in mind. You haven't done anything wrong in showing support for your son. He is pushing you away out of shame for how he feels. He closes his eyes because he finds it too hard to look you in the eyes due to his shame, and he might just cry if he does.

The best thing you can do is be consistent. Keep offering to come over and visit him and to talk. Insist on it even if he says no or snaps back at you for asking. Depression makes you feel alone even if you are surrounded by people all the time. He isn't pushing you away because he doesn't love you, it's because he doesn't love himself and is ashamed to show you how he feels. You don't have to talk about anything major, just casual chatting is enough to let him know he isn't alone. Text him about your day and ask him how his was, or mention a tv show you are watching. Try bringing food over to his place and ask him to open the door to share the meal, rather than asking him out to lunch. 

I hope this helps. 

[Myer]

Hi JustanNPC

Thank you so much for understanding and giving me the suggestions.  I have never got depression.  So I don't know how my son feels and what he thinks about his life.  I wish he could open up one day.

I will ask him if I can visit him again. I will cook some food that he loved when he lived with me and bring them over.  Hopefully he will accept my offer.