How to get interested in life again?

[Damaged]

Hi all. I have been suffering anxiety and depression for a really long time. I am really trying to beat it though I always seem to find myself repeating the same patterns because anything outside of my standard routine is too hard to deal with. My life at the moment life consists of a 58 hour work week which doesn’t leave much time for anything through the week. On the weekends I catch up on house work, sleep and maybe see a movie and that’s about it.    

I have recently started going to therapy again and she told me I should find a hobby and find groups of people to meet up with,though meeting in any kind of group is kind of like hell for me. On top of that I really don’t have anything that I am interested in at the moment. Most of the time I just feel pretty empty inside. I guess I have lost interest in most things over the years.

I Know I need to socialize more if I want to improve, and there has to be more to life than work and bills though I am not sure where to start?

Maybe I am

past the point of no return?    

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[Mares73]

Hi D (would you feel comfortable using your own first name? Totally cool if your not). I hate trying to come up with problems to solutions and go round in circles but I too am like that this weekend. My marriage-the only guy I've been with since 19 (I'm now 41) is finally at separation stage. It's been such an upsetting weekend. Wondering how it feels to be loved. But that's life. If you want to talk about possible solutions to problems then I'm always hear to listen. Re family-they are too much hard work & never understand, seems so wrong that the people who should care the most-dont support us they brush it off. Anyway was wondering how you are, Lve Mares

[Damaged]

Hey Mary. So sorry to here about your marriage breaking down, it must be so hard to deal with after being married so long.It must be a terrible feeling and will take a lot of time.All I can do is offer my support to you the same way you have done for me.Anyway I have to go right now I will check in tomorrow night. I hope you feel a bit better.

Take care of yourself.OX

Buy the way my name is Matthew

[Mares73]

Hi Matthew thanks for your msg. I'll get through. My focus at the moment is on going to the Royal Commission re rape by a priest when I was 12. It's had a major impact on my life, particularly as I was also abused by my Dad so I'm facing tough challenges but will be ok.  I felt so damaged by the abuse I thought Noone could love me so I married the first guy I met. Cried the night before knowing it wasn't for the right reasons. But I've stayed & here I am.Anyway this is your post. How are you thinking of dealing with work? I keep forgetting to ask if your on meds yet? As Scott said they are part of the treatment. Do you have any other support? Or see a mental health professional? It's freezing & wet in Sydney hard to get motivated to leave house! I hope your day isn't too bad & talk tonight. Lve Mary

[Damaged]

Hey .Mary.

Yeah I am still taking the meds and they seem to be working. I am in a better place than I was when I first come on here. 

Work was a welcome distraction today as bad as it is. Still not sure what I am going to do, though I would like to be gone. They are far too interested in playing office politics than judging people on how they perform. The games that some people play just get so predictable and boring after a while. 

As far as support goes it would seem this forum pretty much it. I am in therapy as well and that helps as well though is expensive. I’m with you on the weather. It got so cold so fast, it does not help I have to get up at 5.(fishing for sympathy lol).

 Still feeling really abandoned by my family at the moment.  Still don’t know why? Maybe people just hate me? What if I am the problem 🙂 

I know from your Royal Commission thread that you are really not having a great time right now. I hope it gets resolved quickly. Wishing you all the best. 

Thanks for your support.

Talk soon

Matthew.

[Scott_Depression]

Hey Matthew (much better than calling you D!)

Glad to hear you're seeing some upside in life at the moment - give yourself a big pat on the back matey!

5am for work?  Tough - it'd be ok if you were going fishing or surfing, but hard time to get up for work mate! 

Hope you enjoyed the long weekend - looks as though you've been busy on the posts!  Good Job!  I really believe that the more you post, the more perspectives you'll hear on different topics - great work.

I had a pretty good long weekend - went to a mates 40th birthday party & I dressed up as Einstein - went pretty well, but found out it gets pretty hot wearing a wig all night!  On Monday went to the museum with my wife & kids.  It was damn hard work chasing them everywhere, but good fun checking out the bugs, dinosaurs, etc.  Daughter #1 got a rubber snake and daughter #2 got a snapping dinosaur head from the gift shop & went a bit wild on the train ride home!  ha ha ha  Glad most people nowadays have earphones in on public transport!

When are you next off to the doctors/therapist?

Kind regards

Scott

[Damaged]

Hey Scott.

Sounds like you have had a really busy weekend. That’s great. I’m sure having kids really helps to keep things in perspective.

 Are you still doing mma training?

Yeah 5am sucks to be getting up. I have kind of gotten used to it over the years, though winter days can be tough. I would love to just call in sick some days 🙂

I am going to try to contact my family one last time on the weekend but this is the last time. I know I will probably regret even trying though at this point I just want answers.

Have got therapy on Friday afternoon.

Thanks for checking in mate.

Cheers Matthew.

[Mares73]

Hi Matthew Thurs am & yes I reminded myself of your 5am start! Glad Scott had a chat with you, he's a lovely person. I was thinking-when you say you don't know what to do with your life-do you mean you want to change your urgent situation or that you have worries about what sort of future you have? For example if I asked you the top 5 concerns or things taking up your head space what would they be? I ask this because yesterday I had a bad day, just totally unmotivated & knew I should get out & do something but I had no idea what to do. I also don't have a close family & they don't believe in depression so I have to avoid being me when I speak to them & stay on topics such as the weather & the weekly shopping specials-no emotional connection. I've also lost contact with all but 2 people I osedtto work with so I've gone from a very high functioning person with a senior job to someone who's lost & lonely at hm all day. My psych thinks after the Commission hearing I should go back to work where I will thrive on the mental stimulation & sense of purpose. But I'm interested in what are people's purpose? Do you have one? I know we are different people beyond our depression-its just been too long since I've laughed or had a happy experience. I have one male friend who loves me & makes me forget the lows but I can't talk to him about emotional stuff, he deals with it by drinking yet he is my only real friend but unhealthy. I'm going to force myself to go to shops at Bond I today just to get out. I want a life & I want to know happiness-guess you do too. Anyway a little "deep" conversation this morning! Feel free to answer or not answer the questions I ask. I'll check in later-hey how is work? Lve Mary xx p's Scott you just know what to say, I think so much of you my friend x

[Damaged]

Hey Mary. What a great post. I’m not sure I have answers to all the questions though I will have a go.

I worry greatly about the future and worry constantly about things I do and how it will impact on me in the future. I guess the big one for me is I worry about how it all ends for me and if it is worth the challenges I face to even get there.

That probably sounds pretty dark and I try not to think about it though the thought is always kind of there.

As far as the top 5 thoughts I have throughout the day .It would go like this, 

 1.Money

 2.Job security & satisfaction(I spend a lot of time thinking about a exit strategy with my current job) 

 3. Becoming less anxious and how my anxiety affects the choices I make everyday.  (this is the hardest one to deal with) 

4.Trying to find things that interest me and be content with life 

5 How can I get to the point to be able to trust people.( I have lots of trust issues due to my father he messed me up pretty good) That’s just what comes to mind at the moment. I hope I am not sounding like a crazy person at this point.

I guess at the moment I don’t really have a purpose in life. Well I have bills that need to be paid. Does that count? Lol

 I really have lot more I could say though I am so hungry I should get a start on dinner.

Thanks for your post, you are awesome

Thanks Take care

Matthew.     

[Hyperion]

Hi D (Matthew),

I'm new to the site and unlike you don't have the courage to post a thread of my own. As you can tell I've latched on to yours and I have to say I'm really impressed. Firstly that you have such strength and secondly that there are so many people that are helpful. You probably don't see yourself as being strong but the mere fact you posted and have continued to do so shows a commitment to getting better which is strength.

You have posted much about what you are feeling and going through and as I read I related to all of it. You are not alone, I know what it is like and so do so many other people. I always thought I was odd, feeling the way I do but I've realised that is not the case.

People like Scott, Mary, White Knight and Neil have all been great and very supportive. I'm envious of the relationship you have forged. An online relationship as open and honest as what I see here is just as valid as a face to face - although going to get a beer at the pub is harder :).

I'm seeing a psychologist who has suggested I go on anti depressants. I'm reluctant and haven't made up my mind so I read your experiences with interest. They haven't swayed me yet but they have given me more information. I think I want to do it without meds - they scare me.

I suppose I just wanted to offer my encouragement and support to you as well. I feel like I'm intruding on a private conversation so please forgive me if I'm out of line. One thing I do want to add is you questioned if there was something wrong with you in regards to your family. I say no. You are you, from what I see you are great. Don't forget. Other people's hang ups are their own and have little to do with you, even if it is your family. I have a similar situation with my brother (the only surviving member of my family), we hardly speak but I'm getting to know after 49 years that it is just him, basically I've let him go. I will always be there for him but I don't expect much from him. Is that the same for your family?

Anyway D (I can't call you Matthew as I've come in late), you are alone there are people who obviously care about you. Hope this helps.

[Mati]

Hi guys,

D (Matthew) great post and it seems like you got a nice support network here already with great inputs!

Hyperion, I hear you, I'm totally in the same boat, and I almost feel like an intruder here.. (And I wrote a post on a different board with pretty much no response so am back in my hidey hole..)

D, you seem like a really good guy and I hope you can find a better job with better hours to free you up for more "life"

all the best!