How do I want to get better
All I want to do is waste away and avoid everything I’m afraid of. I’m too anxious to see my friends and family, to talk to a professional in any way, too depressed to get out of bed and make any changes.
even something as simple as practicing mindfulness is impossible for me because I stop myself.
how do I find drive to make any step forward?
you’ve got a lot of things going on in your mind my friend. Where to start?? I know when you’re in distress it’s hard to talk - to friends, professionals, even yourself. All there is is a loop of self-loathing going through your mind and you just want it to stop..
I’ve found that Breaking that cycle sometimes begins with actually describing it. Could you give us a little bit of a story about tour situation? How long this has been going on for, is it both anxiety and depression, how are your relationships with family and friends?
Love and good wishes to you.
Hello Dear Baileybasil...
It saddened me to read your words...because I’ve had similar feelings and thoughts..
I think that when we know nothing but depression and anxiety..it becomes our normal way of living.... and it’s hard to break that cycle..that way of thinking negatively and over thinking....The only way we know to think and live our lives..Then comes a time, when we say enough is enough..I need to start reaching out for help to some professionals....but that’s to hard...the first visit is so scary and our minds puts all sorts of scenarios into our head...
In my heart..I think depression and anxiety is caused by our home life, our working , shopping and unfortunately sometimes people....we love or are associated with...I only go out once a week...because that’s all I can cope with..too many people and noises...
What I found helped me, was to get away from every day life and the hassles that come with it....I go outside a lot and just sit and look at a tree I like..and try to find some wildlife in it.,,,before long my ears pick up the sounds of birds and the many different sounds they make...I know I sound silly..but it’s just enough to give my mind a rest for a little while..from all the thoughts I don’t want to hear...Do you have a quiet place somewhere...not for mindfulness but to just sit quietly and think of nothing at all..waiting for your ears pick up different sounds...different then the usual every day hustle and bustle of life....
Please talk here anytime you feel up to it...These forums are a beautiful place to be..and a great first step to reaching out for help....
My kindest and most caring thoughts, Dear Bailybasil..
Hello Dear Bailybasil....
I stayed in my house for a long time..not going out anywhere because of my fear....I can in some way understand your fear of going outside into the world..
I started with small steps..sitting outside on my veranda for a few minutes at first, after some time I can now sit on it, in peace and enjoy the natural world that I see, hear etc...
Due to conditions of Centrelink payments I had to find volunteer work..and I did which kind of forced me to be in amongst people...To be honest I was a complete mess the first couple of months, but now I do it most Tuesdays without even thinking about it...(I only do one day a week)..
Since My situation changed I no longer need to volunteer, but I still do, because it gets me out and into the world..
Staying in your room each day, doing nothing much, does keep our thoughts on negativity..Please Bailybasil, if you can try even a few minutes at a time to walk outside into the fresh air, and just look around you..it will help you both physically and mentally..
Do you think that you could do that?..
My kind thoughts dear Baikybasil..
That’s totally understandable being sick of talking about it.
Perhaps I said the wrong thing - you described the depression in your initial post. I should have said describe your life/situation. Just trying to get a feel for what your life is like. Do you have support from family and/or friends? Do you work/study/neither?
You’ve said it’s both anxiety and depression. Is the anxiety more predominant or the depression? Or 50/50?
I think the root is anxiety and the depression comes from my fears, although I’m depressed for other reasons aswell. I only have my mother, who was neglectful to me as a child. I’m too afraid to talk to people I have established relationships with because I feel so patronised and beneath them when they know I’m messed up. Even talking to a professional.
I dropped out of school at the end of year 10 because I make bad decisions and now my life has these barriers I have to deal with just to get back to the start.
I have zero self confidence, I can’t even deal with a phone call. If I have a date, I’m sweating like crazy and my hearts probably beating so hard you can see it physically.
I don’t do ANYTHING. Because I’m afraid of doing anything. I don’t like the way life sounds, it’s painful and mundane. I have no idea what to do. I’m negative about everything. My depression says “yea but..” to every solution or trick that gets presented to me.
I’m too afraid to go to my gp and talk about it. Not that I could afford another psychologist now that I’m off centrelink anyway.
I just can’t, I don’t want to face it. I can’t face it.
I hate everything about myself, all I think about is why people are looking at me, what do I look like or does my hair look bad because it always does when the beach wind gets to it.
I haven’t seen my girlfriend for 4 months and our relationship was shorter before that. I feel so terrible that I’m putting this burden on her, I don’t know why she stays with me when she deserves someone who can see her face to face.
I don’t take care of my personal hygiene which opens up more reasons to stay inside.