How do I just accept that I am for the lack of a better word a loser

L_J1 · ‎29-08-2018

Sorry I am in a weird mood. But I've come to the realisation that life isn't going to get any better. My life's not terrible, but I have never really achieved anything, that I can say is my own. I'm stuck in retail, something I have been in since I was 17. I have ever wanted to do was study. Unfortunatly I am not intelligent enough for this considering no matter how hard I work I usually behind everyone in terms of grades and understanding. Most of my schooling invovled extra tutition because I was so slow and stupid. Studying overseas (course to study in Greece - archeology) not an option my grades weren't good enough. Didn't get in to study Masters, cause I was according to a potional supervisor too stupid (that was the most painful email of my life).

I have had to watch everyone I know get better jobs and better grades. I moved from NZ to Australia because I was unemployeed. I even tried to go back to Uni to study info management but only to fail, again. How do I just accept that I'm staring at 40, and all I good for putting things through a checkout. Once you have retail on your CV that is it, you are good at nothing else. Just soft skills nothing concret. No matter how much I have volenteered not matter what else I have tried or applyed for. It doesn't any better. Why am I this usless? I feel like I am running out of options. How do I just accept that it is not going to change and I am just slow and stupid. Because I don't want to be me anymore. I hate being in the same room as myself.

IsaJett · ‎31-08-2018

Not Whiney at all ...just an over thinker like me ...lol u sound a lot like myself ...and what I had just gone through ..believe me it will get better ...so just remember that ...

White_Rose · ‎01-09-2018

Dear L.J

Please do not cut yourself off from this avenue of support. We cannot tell you what to do but we can offer our own experiences where you may recognise some of the things in your life. You truly are intelligent and not stupid. Your post is not whiney, it says you are frustrated with your current situation and want to change. All normal.

Terry has given you a few tips which is a place to start. Please don't give up on yourself. You are a worthwhile person who needs a bit of help to feel confident. We believe this and want to help you to believe it also.

Mary

Dniaiu · ‎01-09-2018

Hi L.J,

2 things:

1) I wonder if there is dyslexia, vision problem, or some language processing difficulty here?

You seem to have 'self-dianosed' yourself as unintelligent, but the evidence of your posts show clear competence in vocabulary, grammar and punctuation! I also noted some things which came up in a recent chat I had with someone studying speech pathology, which made me wonder if you have had any diagnoses along the lines of learning difficulties?

People do fall through the cracks - I would fail subjects where the teacher seated the class alphabetically, but be a top student otherwise, and it wasn't until halfway through high school that a teacher suggested getting my eyes tested, and we found that I was extremely short-sighted!

2) if you have an interest in archaeology, how about doing, rather than studying? You can go on holidays which are archaeological digs, or volunteer as a worker.

Google "archaeology dig holiday"

Regards.

FO · ‎02-09-2018

Im with Dniaiu try the digs idea also look at the various museums around including the smaller ones. TThey would probably be interested in hearing from an organised (as evidenced by your thought processes), articulate and passionate person. Express interest in any role that they may have at present. I am a recruiter and I go through these feelings, especially now in the older age bracket mainly as many employers are/can be quite blinkered and often lost themselves, not to mention ageist, sexist and apathetic. As others said the person who emailed you is the epitome of a true loser, probably a know nothing, do nothing professional academic.

Look forward, your retail experience brings customer facing skills, punctuality, reliability, team spirit, ability to think on your feet and many other worthwhile skills to the next employer. The transition is always the hardest hill to climb so the best way is swing to an allied or somewhat related area in your attempts to change careers.

Examples if your in food retail try equipment suppliers, function places, grower groups. If in Clothing try safety wear or uniform suppliers.

I imagine Museums and similar operations would welcome retail and customer skills. Even in fund raising retail experience is a help.

I hope these ideas help you move forward and open a few new idea directions for you. and oh there is no way your a loser, your actually heading toward being a real winner mate.

White_Rose · ‎03-09-2018

Hello L.J

Checking in on you, how are you going? Would you like to continue talking to us here? You have received replies from many people all offering their help and support which is lovely. So do you think you can restart the conversation with us? I would love to carry on talking with you.

Look forward to hearing from you.

Mary

blondguy · ‎03-09-2018

Hi LJ

Thankyou so much for posting back!

no apologies are necessary.....your input is valued and without new members the forums would cease to exist

I hope you are doing okay 🙂

There is no judgement on the forums....just the best support we can provide to you

my kindest

Paul

L_J1 · ‎05-09-2018

I am a little over whelmed with the response to this. The fact you all took the time to reply is surprising, humbling and a little surprising embarrassing considering what I wrote. I don't mean to seem ungrateful for all your support and really useful suggestions. The whole archaeology/museum thing was what I wanted to do when I was younger. When I was far more idealistic and thought passion and hard work would cover the many short comings I have. Though I should look into the archaeological holidays, even it is around where I live. I have volunteered on and off for many years at different places around Melbourne. People keep telling to think outside the box, start a business. Truth is I don't actually like being outside the box. I like creative things, but I am not that creative myself. I like playing with ideas, but those ideas are never my own. So I don't really fit that mold either.

To answer another question, people usual assume I have some form of learning disorder, because I tend to be a little slow off the mark or mix things up easily, but I have never been diagnosed, I just was often put in 'special classes'or had extra tuition outside of school. I had to go to 'Speech and Drama', as a child because I would often (and still do) speak to quickly and not pronounce words correctly. My mum calls it gabbling. And I'm not sure this even counts but I have a slight astigmatism in the eye so, again it takes me longer to do anything. Non of this probably matters and I am over blowing it.

At the moment I am working in a bookstore (small one store indie). Something I have been doing since I was 21, before then was food retail. I have tried buyers jobs, larger head offices, publishers, admin. But nothing. (Surprisingly the first post was from again hearing nothing back again on a few job applications). My life isn't terrible. But it isn't the life I thought I was working toward. All I have ever wanted was to be smart. But I'm not. It is something I am just going to have to learn that is not what I am. Which, I don't mean to seem self pitying. As a my mum (and a couple of teachers) use to say, not every one can be smart. I will keep doing what everyone has kindly suggested, because what else is there to do. But I seriously do need to get over myself.

baet123 · ‎05-09-2018

Hey L.J.

Thanks for sharing your story and giving us a great insight into your thoughts and feelings.

You are by no means coming off as "ungrateful". You are extremely ambitious and that is a great characteristic to have. I actually would love to have as much ambition as you. You are extremely intellectual and I can tell this from the way you type and articulate your thoughts. This shows an extremely high level of intelligence. You also possess great self awareness and it seems like your ability to critically reflect yourself is of a high level so my hats off to you. Try stay positive mate. I know it may be hard sometimes but having a good mentality and a good mindset is so beneficial to overall health and quality of life.

Please keep us posted if you please and good luck with your future endevours.

All the best.

Baet123.

Terry73 · ‎13-09-2018

Hi LJ,

So what is your definition of smart anyway? I am curious because you claim you are not smart, yet you speak and type as like someone with high mental intelligence, which to me, is smart.

Some people know a lot of stuff, but that does not make them smart, I remember a story a friend told me a while back when I was a teenager, we had a show on back then called "Sale of the Centuary", and a contestant had been winning every day, and had gained quite a bit in prize money and prizes, a young executive of a firm turned to his CEO and asked "How much would you pay this guy to work for you?", CEO responds "$49.99", the young guys pipes up and says "thats quite an hourly sum", CEO said "Not Hourly rate, thats how much I would pay him Period", Young guy is confused and asked why, CEO responds "Because thats the same price as an encyclopedia I can buy, all the information I need is in there should I want it, so why should I have to pay more for someone to tell me whats in it?". The point of this story is, just because people know stuff, doesnt mean they know how to use that information, and that is intelligence.

I know it may seem a little off the track there, but let me say this, you clearly have demonstrated in this forums that you can analyse, assess, weigh up options, and make choices based on the information you have, you take into account your own situation and limitations (which I believe you can expand if you just open your mind up a little more in a positive way). This is what makes you smart, we all see that here and are trying to show you that you arent as low in intelligence as you think you are, if you need to take time to learn something then so be it, rushed jobs are never worth the time and effort spent anyway.

You have some dreams, believe me, you should chase them, even if they might seem too far out of your league to you, give it a go, make the best opportunity to get them, that way, even if you do fail, you can at least say you gave it on hell of a try, and you will never regret not trying, besides, you will have fun on the way chasing them dreams, and maybe, just maybe, you might actually have your dream as your reality as well, something well worth the effort in trying for.

Im not saying get out on the first plane to some remote area either, I am just saying, start looking into it, and take a chance on opportunities that you can do that may lead you to where you want to go, without stressing your current situation.

Kindest thoughts

Terry