How do I ask for help?

KayKay123

Im a teen and have been struggling for a while, suicidal thoughts and things like that. I am so tired of everything and burnt-out and just don't want to feel like this anymore, but It's so hard and paralysing to mention anything at all to my parents. They're good people, but I'm just so scared and I don't know why. Does anyone know any ways I can tell someone?

saltandlight

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. As someone who has been through this when I was a teen, if I could do things differently, I would have asked for help early on. In hindsight, if I had asked for help earlier, I would not have suffered alone for so long. When you are struggling like this, asking for help can feel like the hardest thing. So, well done for reaching out, you are taking a step in the right direction. There is hope, and a lot of help available. I would start with calling the Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800, who are equipped to help teenagers just like you. I know suicidal thoughts make you feel so scared about what will happen, these are part of having the suicidal thoughts and can make everything feel scary even when everything is going to get better. Absolutely tell your parents, so that they can support you through this. There is no wrong way to tell your parents, and the sooner you do, the sooner they can equip themselves to help you. As a parent myself now I would be glad that my child was asking me for help. One way you can tell them is to ask them for a private time that you can talk about something urgent and important. That way they can give you their full attention. Then, just tell them that you've been struggling with suicidal thoughts and feeling burnt out, and need help. It's ok to cry if you feel scared and overwhelmed. Don't worry about if they are surprised and want to ask you questions. Rest assured that it is just to help them understand what you are going through. They might need to work out how they can support you, and there is support for them too on the Kids helpline website. You can tell them about the Kids helpline support for parents if they are unaware.

Sending you strength x

trying_my_best

Hi @KayKay123

I struggled like this myself as a teenager. At first I felt that there was no one I could talk to and my path to feeling better was mine alone. But one day it just got too much, so I confided in my mum. As embarrassed as I felt I am so glad I did! She encouraged me to seek the counsellor at my school and I discussed these issues with my counsellor, I also confided in them and shared my version of a diary.

As scary as it was at the time, it helped soo much! And now whenever I am going through similar bouts, I feel SO much more confident at seeking help. It just took one scary step.

Wishing you the best 🫶

seawhiplash

Hi KayKaw123!

So sorry to hear that you are feeling this way, I relate to a lot of what you have described and have been there too and it's FAR from easy. For me, my school counsellor was the one that reached out to my parents to ask them to get me to see a psychologist because I was struggling so bad. Like you, I was absolutely mortified of telling my parents about it and I think it has to do with fear of vulnerability, fear parents perceive us differently, change in dynamic, questioning of our own issues, etc. Though it was at first awkward telling my parents, it turned out a lot better then what my mind made it out to be!

Advice:

If it feels too confronting to tell your parents you can book a meeting with school counsellor and tell them some of your struggles or ask their advice. If it proceeds and gets worse then you should tell your parents so you can get professional support.

My best advice would be for telling your parents would be to kind of plan out what you want to tell them before you have that conversation on a piece of paper or something, just the details you are comfortable with like maybe "I have been struggling a lot mentally for a prolonged period of time. It has been tremendously difficult to cope and deal with life myself right now, I really need extra support....". You can tell this to the family member you are closest with instead of your whole family to make it a little easier.

Another thing I will say is to remind yourself that it is likely that your parents do want to help but are unsure how to approach it while making you comfortable. They might need some time to process and it is definitely not because there is anything wrong with you or you have done something wrong, but rather they want to evaluate and see what they can do best because they care. A lot of the times when we are burnt out and or struggling, our mind manipulates us into thinking we are the problem which is untrue.

You may go to GP who will briefly examine your mental health state and ask about your past struggles (family life, social support, etc.) just to get a brief diagnosis. After couple check-ups you may be referred to a psychologist, who may do some CBT work to help reverse your thinking patterns or come up with strategies for your burnout.

Whichever one you choose (telling school counsellor or parents) I will say reaching out is definitely the first step to getting better. For me, I regret not reaching out earlier, as it made my condition worse. Hope this helps! Wishing you best of luck and if you have any questions or want to vent your worries feel free too. 🩵

therising

Hi KayKay123

My heart truly goes out to you as you find yourself struggling so much at this time in your life. I 100% agree with trying_my_best, once you develop the practice of seeking guidance and support it becomes easier to do it. The hardest part of this practice is definitely getting started and I think that can be based on some of our questionable beliefs such as 'I should be able to manage on my own', 'I don't want to admit there's something wrong with me' etc etc. Btw, there's nothing 'wrong' with us, we may simply be lost and we have the ability to feel it. Whether we're lost in an actual physical landscape or life's landscape, it's such a time saver to stop and ask for directions from someone who's able to offer the best guidance.

I've found that how I tell someone I'm lost can depend a lot on the person I'm speaking to. To offer some examples

If I'm asking for guidance from someone who's been lost in their own life on occasion, I might say 'Can you remember a time when you were feeling so lost to the point where you just didn't know how to move forward. How did you manage finding the way forward?'
If I'm asking for guidance from someone who's a visionary or seer, who can easily see the way forward through their mind's eye/imagination, I might start with 'Is it alright if I ask you to see something for me? I'm so lost and unbelievably exhausted, to the point where I can no longer see the way forward in my life. I need someone to see for me and guide me in the best direction'
If I'm asking for guidance from a 'feeler' (someone who can easily feel the worst and best ways forward), I might say 'I'm so desperately lost at the moment and all I can feel is 1)how lost I am, 2)how exhausted I am and 3)how deeply depressed I am. I need someone who can feel the best way forward for me while also getting a feel for why I'm struggling so much right now'
If I'm asking for guidance through seeking an education in chemistry, biology, psychology etc (when it comes to how I tick from a physical or psychological angle), I'll look for people who are educated in such matters. They're going to be the kinds of people who'll fulfill my sense of wonder while I'm wondering about such things as 'What can I do to produce more dopamine or serotonin? Why am I so physically exhausted? Why and how am I struggling, purely from a psychological angle (as opposed to a physical or soulful one)? How does diet, exercise and more of those kinds of factors fuel me?'

As you can see, there are a whole variety of guides. Figuring out which kind or kinds we need can often be the first step toward finding the right one for the job.

As a 56yo gal, it took me decades to finally realise what makes the ultimate difference to begin with and that is how we see ourself. We can either say/believe 'I am broken, faulty, weak and hopeless' or 'I am a traveler in life who's lost at the moment and in desperate need of a solid sense of direction'. Btw, might help to wonder what kind of guides your mum and dad are. While your mum might be a number 1 or 3 type on that list, your dad might be a number 2 or 4.❤️