How can I find and welcome close relationships?

[Ted721]

For the last few years i’ve felt like I was drowning, and nothing is there to catch me- no seabed, nothing, and i’m scared to find out how deep my depression can go. I feel like i’m boring and I can’t remember the last time i’ve had an irl conversation that felt like I was received happily or with the want of my company. I’ve never genuinely had anyone to talk too about my problems, but I feel like that would be the best thing for me. For that reason, I really want to move schools, because I don’t think i’d be able to meet someone any other way, because I never really leave the house. Even then, I struggle to imagine myself fitting a friend or partner next to my own self, because i’m so self absorbed I feel like I know everything about my mind and I don’t how I could possibly indulge in someone else's constantly.

[geoff]

Hello Ted, thank you for coming to the site and it's hard to know how deep our own depression can go because it seems to be bottomless pit and even when we have friends it may not be possible to feel comfortable opening up to them for your own reasons.

Moving schools may have it's advantages but it means you have to try and establish new friendships,this may be possible but if for some reason you are suffering from depression of any type, you could be frightened to do so and if you are rejected then it could slow down your confidence.

One mistake people make is that believe they know everything about themselves, but as soon as you talk with another person, then you realise you have learnt something new, because different people will see you in many other ways that don't agree with each other.

When we meet someone we don't necessarily agree with everything the other person does, but we can change, especially if you fall in love with them and vice-versa or willing to support them or conversely you might talk to them not agreeing on something but may change your mind.

It's not only if you can connect with them, but also if they can do the same with you, it's two way street that benefits us to overcome our loneliness and to move schools may not solve these problems.

You can ring, web chat or contact Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or talk to them using online and help you differently.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Sophia16]

Hi Ted,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for being open here. It sounds like you are struggling and going through a difficult time. You have shown great strength by just being here and seeking support.

I know you think moving schools is the only option but make sure you are considering both pros and cons. Have you considered seeing your school counsellors? They can help you make a coping plan and help you get back on your feet.

Stay safe and i am always here to chat.

[yggdrasil]

Hi Ted721,

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I really related to a lot of what you were saying. I think it's easy for certain black and white patterns of thought to embed themselves in our minds, and resist counter evidence. Often these rigid thoughts have very strong emotions tied to them. For example, you describe how you feel like you're boring and self-absorbed. Do you have any counter evidence to this belief? What does it mean to not be boring? To be a comedian? Do we really want a planet full of comedians anyway? What other qualities do you have? Can you commit to developing them? Sorry for all the rhetorical questions, I'm just trying to illustrate that even simple assertions like "I am boring" carry with them a universe of nuance and complexity that we sometimes need to remind ourselves of, particularly when strong emotions are attached to these simple assertions.

Have you ever spoken to a school-counsellor/psychologist/GP about how you're feeling? A GP may be able to set up a "mental health care plan", which allows you to see a psychologist for free up to 20 times per year. Seeing a psych can be very helpful. They can teach you about all sorts of ways of challenging and unravelling rigid thoughts, and disproportionate emotions. For example, I learned about "Schema Therapy" and "Cognitive Behavioural Therapy" from my psychologist, and found these ideas very helpful.

Thank you again for posting on here and please tell us more if you'd like!