How can I do this.

SMaria · ‎17-01-2014

Lately ,

l have been feeling like I'm lost and I cry at the smallest things. I am easily frustrated and this has caused me to lose one of my good friends. I don't even know how to talk to people anymore, I just feel lost and no one can help me sort this out. I don't feel like I belong anywhere and I feel unwanted most of the time and when I try talking to people I just don't feel like they want to listen and I think that ok the other end they are judging me for how I am feeling. All I want is for my friends to care about who I am and I don't want to appear to them as a sad person who in the me will have no friends

i don't know what to do i just need help

SMaria · ‎19-01-2014

Yes I did get a counsellor via my GP, and as of this morning one of my friends came back to me and apologised for what they did and I had never been so relieve to have him back . I study, I am currently a year 12. I get along with them but I tend to just focus on my own work sometimes. But now and then we have the occasional conversation. And you're welcome, I didn't use Savanna before as it a long name to process

Neil_1 · ‎19-01-2014

Hi Savanna

That's not a long name to process and it's also a very nice name as well.

Ok, this makes a little more sense regarding your friends, as they are of the same age as you and understanding depressive feelings/mental illnesses is difficult at any age. Hell, I'm 48 and I've still got no idea how to understand it and I've had it for most of my adult life and perhaps even beyond.

I am so pleased that one of your friends has come back as well as I am pleased that you've got a counselling session coming up. Do you have much longer to wait for that appointment?

Just as a thing you might like to try before the appointment is to write down your feelings or how you think you are ... what has been happening of late; jot a whole stack of things down ... so just in case you forget something during your appointment, you'll have a reminder write in front of you. Also, if you have any questions, please write those down as well, so you can have a really good first session.

Stay with us Savanna for as long as you like.

Kind regards

Neil

SMaria · ‎19-01-2014

Thank you,

I don't have much longer to wait for my appointment, my GO got me in as soon as possible. I do write my feelings down, but in the form of poetry. Poetry helps me to express my feelings without involving anyone else. But maybe I could try writing things down, just dot points maybe that will help

geoff · ‎20-01-2014

dear Savanna, my esteemed friend Neil has said most of what I was going to say, and I'm 59 yes to you that's old, and to me it's depressing, but not in the way depression works, as I'm over it after a very long time.

This boyfriend must a great friend, someone who obviously loves you, and wants to stick with you, so at least that's a valuable asset. Geoff. x

SMaria · ‎20-01-2014

The funny thing is, he's not my boyfriend. He's just a friend and he does stick with me. Depression can come at any age, And what he is trying to do, because I rely on him a lot is to try and maintain distance, We are close, but he wants to see how long I can be without him. I don't know if it will help or being my depression further.

geoff · ‎20-01-2014

dear Savanna, yes depression can happen at any age, even when we are so young, but at that stage they don't know what depression is, to them it's just feeling very sad, and this is where it's so unfortunate, because I'm sure that many of us on this site did have the beginning of this illness at a very young age, but then had no idea of what to do.

Please don't get me wrong when I say this, because my intention is to never want to upset anybody, however your friend is playing in a safety zone, and by this I mean is that he has not 100% aligned himself with you, so by 'seeing how long I can be without him' actually indicates to me that he has left the door open if he wants to escape.

A true friend would stand by you 100% all the way, no questions asked, and by him saying what he has said means that you are still alone really and then your depression will become deeper.

It's never easy to cope with depression by yourself without any professional help, and that's why I suggest you seek help from beginning with your GP. Geoff. x

SMaria · ‎21-01-2014

Well at the moment, I just feel sad. I don't know what to do except to see someone about it. This friend has now left me completely. I don't know what is worse. Him leaving or the reason why. It has been almost two days and I don't know what to do with myself, this friend was always the one to help me through things I was feeling. But now that he is gone, I just write my feelings down and cry. Write my feelings down, pray and then cry myself to sleep.

SMaria · ‎27-01-2014

But I suppose I'll just speak to my counsellor

geoff · ‎27-01-2014

dear Savanna, the trouble is when we try and understand why he has left you, is it because he's had enough or is it a scenario that we tend to think about, and by having depression it's always the worse reason why, so then we tend to blame ourselves, which may not be the best situation, but that's what this illness does to us.

It is something that you should really discuss with your counsellor, and is this soon.

I am so sorry that you now have to face this situation, as it's never easy and never will be. L Geoff. x

Neil_1 · ‎27-01-2014

Hi Savanna

It was good to see that you've posted again, although it was a pretty short one.

How are you feeling at the moment?

Sorry, but there could be a few more questions coming up as well; and please don't feel as though you need to answer them, it's just that I'm concerned for you.

You mentioned speaking with your counsellor. Is that appointment coming up soon?

Way back in an earlier post you mentioned something like that your family don't know what to do with me. Do they actually know how much you're struggling and have issues that you can't make sense out of and it's very distressing for you? Do they know that you are feeling a little abandoned by your friends as well? It's awfully tough for you to be dealing with this on two massive fronts: (a) because of your age and it's just not fair that this illness can strike down on the young; and (b) because I feel for the most part that you're having to handle this on your own, and that must be a huge weight that you're having on your shoulders.

Where I live, my two kids (children - the absolute LOVES of my life) are heading back to school in one week's time (and yes, I've already told them how extremely lucky they are, as I think that a lot of schools are getting back into it this coming week) - Savanna, when are you heading back to school and what are your feelings about that?

I'm sorry if I've asked too many questions ... answer the ones you feel comfortable with or answer none if you feel I'm overstepping the mark.

But like Geoff, we are extremely concerned for you and just want to offer appropriate advice to you as best we can.

Kind regards

Neil