Hopelessness and Depression

[firstthensecond]

Long story short, I've been dealing with depressive mood for years now. Every now and then, I have bouts of depression and moments when life seems all bright and unicorn-ish. I was initially diagnosed with depression, but my therapist isn't ruling bipolar out as a possibility.

Anyway, some things happened to me recently and I can't seem to cope with them. These include sleep issues. I haven't been sleeping well and my concentration may have been impaired. I misinterpreted my exam timetable (missed a term exam and got an instant 0) and almost got hit by a car. I didn't expect to experience these in the same week. Somehow, my depressive episode returned.

I'm tired of living with a mood disorder. Very very tired. And drained. And exhausted.

[Sophie_M]

Hi firstthensecond,

Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing here. It sounds like you’re managing a lot right now which must be extremely hard. We hope you find some comfort in sharing here, and in hearing from the lovely community members, many of whom will be able to relate to what you’re going through.

We're reaching out to you directly, but also wanted to pop in and let you know that you're always welcome to reach out to our counsellors to talk through your feelings on 1300 22 4636, or via webchat (11am-12am AEDT each day). We’d also recommend getting in touch with Kids Helpline to speak about this, as they might be able to help you to work out how you can get some more support with the concentration problems and exam difficulties. They’re on 1800 55 1800, or you can speak to them on webchat here.

We're sure our lovely commuity will spot your post soon and share their perspective with you. In the meantime, here’s a few things it might be helpful to look at:

• Self care for teens (Kids Helpline)
• Self help tips for managing depression (another forums thread)
• What do you do when you're feeling low? (another forums thread)

If you wanted to share a bit more here on how long you've been feeling this way, or on how you are hoping the community can support you please feel welcome. 

Thank you again for sharing here. It can be really hard to do that, and so we hope you can feel some pride in having done so.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Sophia16]

Hi,

Thank you for being so open here and sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to do that. I can see that you are feeling helpless and distressed at the moment.

I just want to say that you have been so strong throughout your whole journey. I know this, because you are still here.

Have you been considering seeing your GP and talking about your feelings? They are there to help you with what you are going through.

Please stay safe and i am here to chat if you need me.

[Reventon]

Hey,

Thanks so much for being so open. It’s actually helped me too… I have real trouble talking about my feelings and what you’ve described has been just like thoughts I’ve experienced myself.

For good sleep - exercise, music, meditation and food are the big needle movers for me. Easier said than done when you have one of those days where it feels like you’ve woken up at the bottom of the ocean.

If you can find a good spot to go walk or swim and keep your body moving, even slowly, that would be great. Any time you feel mentally heavy and stay physically still, your thoughts tend to stagnate and magnify self judgement… not fun. Forward movement of any kind helps and can block some of the stuff that hurts sleep.

If you like it, a teaspoon of Manuka honey when you have no protein in your gut may also trigger a brief lift in serotonin. Doing that before dinner, having a good meal and a hot bath can work wonders.

I’d also suggest looking up Mel Robbins’ “High 5 Your Heart” videos. If I’m having a day I’m totally overwhelmed these are a huge comfort to me.

[firstthensecond]

I think I will give a spoonful of Manuka daily a try.

Anyway, opening up to someone always helps. It makes our pain much more bearable. If you need someone to talk to, I'm all ears 🙂

[firstthensecond]

I've actually been thinking about seeing a GP to talk this out and request for a referral to a psychiatrist. But I'm still trying to properly work this out with my therapist, and if talk therapy still doesn't help that much, then medication really is my last resort.

Wish me all the best with my treatment 🙂

[Reventon]

100% 🙂 You're doing awesome.

Ooh - the other thing I forgot... I remember relying on massive amounts of caffeine, ginseng and gingko to get through exams... any one of these can trigger your stress symptoms and burn you out faster (and obviously consuming too much of all of them will be horrendous for sleep). If you're using any of these to compensate for the lack of sleep it can lead to a really vicious cycle. You have more stimulants because you feel so exhausted but then become too wired to sleep...

I feel what you're saying about medication. Medication is something I've worked really hard to avoid and to be honest I often wonder if that's been to my benefit or detriment. I've got friends who've had great results with SNRIs and working with the right psychologists for their needs.

If you do want to try absolutely everything else first... the best recommendation I can give there is intense, load bearing activity (particularly compound, full body lifting movements like squats and deadlifts). If you can throw in some sprint training too that would be killer.

Ironically, these are the freaking hardest things to motivate yourself to do when in a depressed state. The difference to your physiology, neurotransmitter levels and sleep patterns afterwards is massive though. Makes it easier to kick stimulants too if that's been an issue.

Best of luck and let me know how it goes 🙂