I have been feeling very heavy of late.
I can't really call it a mid-life crisis, as I'm 32, but whatever it is, the feeling I have made wrong choices in life is weighing on me.
I left school at the end of year 10- I was desperate to get out because of the bullying at the time, and I was also just too keen to be an adult. And if you'd asked me at the time- I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do career wise. As it was, I got a job in retail, moved out of home and though I've been in various positions since I'm still doing much the same thing.
Today, I think I would have been a good nurse. Particularly in aged care or disability.
I have a lot to be thankful for, I rent a nice apartment for myself, I have a decent car I lease and two cats that I adore. But I feel empty. My job isn't rewarding or meaningful in the slightest, and though I am not on terrible money, I am also stubbornly single- and I get hung up on the fact I will never likely be in the position to own a home and be afforded the same comforts and financial security my parents had. And finding a partner only for reasons of financial security I don't feel is the right strategy.
People will try and tell me I'm still young- and to "go for it" but the reality is, its not that simple to change course. I have commitments, and no financial safety net to think about leaving a steady job. The risks are just too high. And sadly, nurses are not paid anywhere near enough for what they do.
So for now I am just stuck in the "what ifs" and no real solution as to what to do to improve my outlook and its making days harder than need be.
I realise this will seem so trivial compared to others problems, and I almost feel ridiculous putting this out there. But if someone else feels a little hopeless and lost with regret or feel down their life hasn't panned out like hoped, maybe we can be there for eachother.
