Hi. Just want to write some things down and see how it feels.

[Always_raining]

I'm still %99 sure I'm sick and that's why I'm depressed and not the other way around. The doctors arnt looking deep enough. But yes I probably am depressed and anxious too. I knowing not normal to be convinced you are going to die soon. I know it's not normal.to despise yourself. But I do. I am piece of shit. The only good thing I have ever done is brought two perfect little angels into the world. That's probably just the depression talking. I don't want to die. I want to see my.girls grow up. I feel terrible for my poor wife who has to put up with me. I don't want to be who I am.

[JessF]

Hello Always Raining, how does it feel now? To see those thoughts written in front of you instead of in your head? It does help sometimes, I find. Sometimes it can be quite shocking to read the words back and imagine someone else has written them, a stranger, and what you might say to them in response. We can be so hard on ourselves sometimes. What do you think?

[Zeal]

Hi Always raining,

Welcome to the forum!

It's good that you've seen doctors about your situation. Is there a main doctor or mental health professional that you see? I am very glad you don't want to die, and that you adore your two girls. If you don't mind me asking, has your wife been quite supportive? It is hard to see loved ones struggling, but your wife would want the best for you, and be glad you're getting help. It's not your fault that you're sick, and you are already doing things to help yourself. If your wife goes through a difficult time for any reason in the future, then you can be there to support her, like she is hopefully doing now for you. There are days where she might be impatient or frustrated, but this is normal. No one can deal with everything well all of the time.

I'd like to refer you to this site with great resources: http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm
There are resource links on this page for depression and anxiety, as well as other issues.

There are plenty of fact sheets and links provided on this Beyondblue website. There's info your wife might want to read under Supporting someone.

Best wishes,

Zeal