Unsure About Me

[the_boy]

I guess I just needed a place to just put down all my thoughts anonymously...

I'm not sure if I do or don't have depression but I've felt so lost and also a bit lonely lately.

As a student who recently completed my HSC, I had really struggles to manage my stress, and on top of that, during that period, my girlfriend and I split, as well as some group drama because I was quite unhappy about the way they treated me and I took a bit of a hiatus. It wasn't abuse or anything, just more so feeling like the black sheep of the group, where my group had about 10 people, and there seemed to be little sub groups that I was never a part of which made me feel a bit lost.

Finishing the HSC took quite some weight off my shoulders, and me and my ex girlfriend ended up getting back together because I really do like her. But now that the craziness of HSC has subsided, I still find myself lost and alone - more so as of the new year than ever.

Me and my group has pretty much cut off all communication, and I'm quite happy to see them having a good time with each other and what not, but I still can't help but feel really left out. Granted I'm not a perfect human being or what not, but I'm still part of the group, except they don't include me in things.

My girlfriend on the other hand... Am I clingy which in turn drives me to feeling this loneliness and no sense of direction? I'm not to sure but its just kind of weird when she always claims she never has time for me, but then turns around and goes out with her friends or what not. I feel as if I'm a plan B, or like I'm the spare tire in the back of the car that she doesn't necessarily need, but still wants so she feels secure. Sometimes she just gets really moody and lashes at me like I'm a punching bag, but I just take it because at the end of the day, I know that she loves me and I love her.

To add to that, I've been struggling really hard to find jobs that I guess contributes to the feeling of being lost. I wouldn't say I'm the best candidate for many jobs, but I feel as though the things I've done and achieved should get me somewhere.

Maybe I just feel underappreciated?

[Quiettall]

Hi there

From the outset, finishing your HSC and changing life by chasing jobs, is a huge stress. The relief of finishing the exams is great, but the uncertainty of knowing what your future is, must be a little unnerving to you. When I finished my HSC, I caught a bus from my home town to Canberra to take on a temporary admin role within the public service for three months. So I lost contact with family, school friends and had to start completely afresh. Whilst at the time it was exciting, it hit me like a huge cricket bat in the head once I got to Canberra the first night. Anyway, I survived, and life took various twists and turns.

Maybe take an approach where you look forward with anticipation or imagination about the future possibilities, rather than spending time beating up on yourself about the here and now. Focus on what you have that is good right now, rather than on whats wrong, focus on where you might go rather than on what you have been through.

Keep posting. There are others who care for you here and will support you through this tough period.

[ahw309]

Hi the boy,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for posting!

I'm really sorry I don't have much advice, but I just wanted to say I recently completed the HSC as well and I've been feeling almost the exact same recently, especially re. friends and finding a job. Ive found the post-HSC period to be one filled with a mix of feelings of relief, uncertainty, and confusion.

Firstly, congratulations on finishing high school and the HSC! It is a pretty stressful period and you (we!) got through it so yay!! 🙂 What are you plans now?

I feel the same way as you with my high school group of friends. Although I have maintained contact with around half my group of 10, I feel very distant from them and they often go out without me, so I know how you might be feeling. However, there are many more opportunities now (tertiary study/work/other social activities, etc.) to meet people and make friends with similar interests, and who may be closer, better friends than these people from high school! Loneliness and feeling left out kind of hurts though... I feel you.

With your girlfriend, have you tried talking about how you feel to her? It does sound as though she isn't making you enough of a priority or treating you as best she could. Communicating your feelings to her may be a good idea, and communication is also very important in any relationship.

I've been struggling to find a job as well. I've applied for many but have hardly got any responses. It makes me feel very lost as well, but I just keep trying! The past few weeks (mid-end of December/beginning of Jan) also hasn't been a very good time to look for jobs.

If you become more concerned about your mental health, you can look around at the facts for depression on this website, take the k10 test, and make an appointment with your GP. They can give you good guidance and advice 🙂

I hope at least one thing I've said is a little helpful?

Best of luck with everything and take care!!