hi...i suffer from depression, anxiety and bpd

[Carmen82]

Hi

I am unsure how to start...my husband wants me to harden up and just be happy. I think he's tired of me being the way i am, but i am too and don't know how to be happy all the time. Sometimes I'm happy and other times i can't help myself be happy. It feels like I'm expected to snap out of it...i wish it worked that way. I don't like being this way and feeling like I do, and he is understanding and nice to a degree, but i don't know how to get myself happy all the time so that he's not disappointed with me for not being a 'normal' person. I just want him to understand that it's not that easy.

[Guest_1055]

Hello Carmen

You started fine...all good

 Anyway my name is Shelley and I just read your post here. It is almost the same as my circumstances. My husband says to me that all he wants is for me to be happy. Sometimes this makes me feel sad, because I can't give him what he wants. How do you turn on the "happy" all the time? So anyway you are not alone, I get what you are saying.

Yeah and sometimes our loved ones don't understand. And it is hard for them, if they haven't experienced it themselves.

I can't offer really any advice, only if you have depression,have you thought of printing off some information on it. Perhaps you could hand this to your dear hubby.  Just scroll down to the end of the page here.

Anyway just know that I care, I truly do.

Many hugs to you

Shell xx

[blondguy]

Good Morning Carmen

Welcome to the BB Forums, Paul here

I am sorry that you are going through this sad time with your feelings. Especially your words about 'hardening up' That is so very old school and unfortunately usually shows lack of understanding/knowledge. I am not sure if you have been diagnosed with depression but I would definitely get a page summarising how dreadful depression can be and let him read it. There is some very helpful  information at the bottom of this page under the header 'Supporting Someone"

I do hope you have some peace of mind soon Carmen

We are here and respect what you are going through at the moment

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[hope4joy]

Hi Carmen,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I can relate to wanting life to be less complicated and enjoyable and agree with you that if it were that simple we'd already be doing it. I've also been diagnosed with bpd, anxiety and depression. Lately I've seen how tiring the bpd traits can be, because i'm so easily impacted by the behaviour of others in my life and my internal emotions can be so strong and at times paralysing. Depression is something I face regularly. I'm trying to tackle my difficulties through therapy, medication, building up my friendships and pursuing things that matter to me in life. Do you have any professional supports in your life right now? Are they helping?

Kind wishes, Christina 

[pipsy]

Hi Carmen.  My name is Lynda.  Sorry to hear how bad you're feeling.  From what you say, your hubby wants you to try to be something you're not.  Telling someone to simply snap out of it is so counter-productive.  How do you start, where do you start?  When someone who supposedly loves us for who or what we are, accepting that person is part and parcel of loving them.  If you have always been the way you are, which is obviously not 'sunny' 24/7, what's changed that you have to suddenly stop being you?  No-one walks around constantly grinning, if they did people would avoid them wondering which planet they were on.  As long as you're basically content with who you are, depression is caused by people not letting us be 'us'.  I totally understand you being snappish being asked all the time why you're not happy.  If you did 'harden up', you might actually be more bad tempered because hardening up usually makes us more unsympathetic.  Ask hubby what exactly he means by harden up.  Hardening up and being happy to me, is two completely personalities.  Being happy, as I said, doesn't mean you walk around smiling, it just means you're comfortable, not under any pressure to be something/someone you're not.        

[abby754]

Hi Carmen, I'm Abby I just joined today.

I have had similar experiences with the "Snap out of it" expectations - from some members of my family - My advice would be, if you haven't already, try to educate people who are close to you. send them some light reading from this sight, I have found that pretty helpful. and also help them understand that they can't fix it, that is something I have recently found, no one can fix the emotional roller coaster that is mental illness, but rather just educate and help them know that, yeah you're going to have crappy days, but let them know, that that, in itself is okay.
I hope this has helped. 
sending light and support =] 

[blondguy]

Hi Carmen...I just popped in to see how you are traveling...I do hope you are okay

Abby....Welcome to you! Great post too:-)

Paul