Hi everyone 😀

[Evet]

My first post ! Been in a dark place for a while now. Unfortunately didn’t seek help. Realise now that I need to do something if I want my quality of life to change. I’m relocating to a warmer state to rejuvenate and rebuild but with all the professional support so can get. Hard part is that I’m leaving my wife behind as I feel I need a completely new environment and just don’t have the love to give to anyone let alone myself. Now I’m covered in guilt as well as depression. I know in my mind I need to do this however scary the future may be. Just feel so sad for letting people down😥

[Croix]

Dear Evet~

Welcome here, I hope you are going to find this a friendly and supportive place for you.

I'm guessing you are struggling with depression, which is a very powerful illness and has a lot of far reaching effects. In my own case ability to cope with everyday life and family relationships was almost impossible, so I can understand your wanting it isolate yourself and try perhaps for a less demanding life - at least for a while.

I found I did not know if I loved anyone at all. or even if I could love.

You are very wise to seek as much professional support as possible, it was most definitely one of the main factors in my recovery.

I do not know your circumstances, do you mind if I ask was your separation permanent?

Croix

[Evet]

Thank you for your reply.

ive told my wife that I need to be alone and do the best I can to fix myself up. I’ve given no return date. I guess I’ve backed myself in a corner. When I finally end up happy with my life do I stay away ? If things don’t change then why come back ? I just want to go and do this 😩😩

[Croix]

Dear Evet~

I guess I can only answer your questions about returning to your wife if you get better - or if you don't - from my own point of view.

I've found I need to love and be loved. It's that simple. When I've been depressed that knowledge has left me, totally hidden and I think I'm an entity all by myself - if that makes sense.

When better I've wanted to be with my wife. Looking back on those times when I thought I was by myself I found I was not, her influence was important to me even then.

Another thing, depression tends to make things appear absolute. I doubt if you have backed yourself into a permanent corner.

Have you had any luck getting professional help as yet?

Croix