Hey, I'm new

[A_luc]

Hello, I am brand new to beyond blue forums. I am a high school student and I have recently being diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I am to start going to a psychiatrist but the waiting line is so long that I wouldn't begin my sessions until January. I have tried psychologists and therapists but they haven't worked. I sometimes urgently need to talk to someone because I feel as if i'm about to break down and just melt into the floor. It's hard because through out the day I am sometimes ok and I laugh with my friends but as soon as I get home there is this thick layer of loneliness that just spreads over me and I feel as though I have no one. I have an amazing single mum as my father left when I was very young and incredible friends but not even they can stop me from feeling so intensely alone. I just wanted to share a bit of my mental health story as this is a place of people that can hopefully understand and relate to what I am going through so I don't feel entirely insane

[geoff]

Hello A.luc, and a warm welcome to the forums.

I'm sorry that there is such a long waiting time because in some circumstances having to wait a week is far too long.

Depression is so strange because there can be certain times when we appear as though we're enjoying ourselves but this depends on the individual, but just a cuddle or a touch of the hand can give you a spur of excitement, however, it's not prolonged when they leave, then there are times when nothing will change our mood.

When we are being told to 'cheer up, life's not that bad' then these people don't understand what depression is all about, so we tend to avoid them.

There are links for places who you can talk with, but if you like you can tell us a little more, as there are a huge amount of different people reading and corresponding on this forum, so please if you can get back to us, that would be terrific.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Here_I_am]

Hi A.luc,

Geoff is spot on; you are more than welcome here, and it is a place of understanding that contains a massive amount of experience and wisdom. You're certainly not alone, but I can appreciate that when you feel alone that is all that is real in that moment.

With the significant wait before you can get in to speak with a psychiatrist, do you have any follow up meetings set up with your referring GP? Sometimes this can provide a small amount of support so you're not just adrift between now and then. Their are also some great services that provide phone based outreach, starting with Beyond Blue right here (1300 22 4636). These are in addition to the crisis lines, such as LifeLine.

Hope you find some lightness over the weekend.

Talk soon.

[A_luc]

Hi Geoff,

To tell you a bit more about it, my parents divorced when I was six. My dad did some things that I don't think i'll ever really get over which really hurt me and my family. He later moved back to the country that my family is from and i've only seen him once in person in the last 10 years. My mum is so great though that she has filled that hole that my dad has left. At times, I do want to have a relationship with him but I know it will never be a normal father and daughter relationship and that is something that I really want. In a way though, I feel like I have let go of him a lot and he's not something that is constantly causing me a lot of pain anymore. The thing is more recently as I mentioned I have been feeling alone or sad and I've also been feeling a lot of anger and even something small can make me really mad and I don't understand why I feel this way. And when I don't feel any of this I don't really feel anything at all, I kind of just feel 'meh' My mum always asks me whats wrong when i'm mad or sad but I can never give her an answer because I don't know myself what is wrong. And I just want to be less sad, I want to wake up one day and feel good which is just something I haven't felt in a really long time.

[A_luc]

Hi Here I am,

Yes, we will probably be meeting with our GP soon. Thank you so much for the inviting welcome and also for the references.

[geoff]

Hello A.luc, thanks so much for getting back to us.

You may not have a decent relationship with your father until he apologies and wants forgiveness, even then, a daughter and father relationship may not be stable, and being absent in those important years could also be damaging towards your needs.

After experiencing this lose there will be pockets where you will feel a numbness that neither a father or a mother can possibly fill on their own, and these are what you need help to try and understand why and what could have happened.

Your anxiety and depression are blocking you from being able to feel better and how you interpret and react to certain situations, slowly open the door if possible.

Take care.

Geoff.