Hi Numb
My heart goes out to you so much as you face one of the most challenging times of your life. I believe how we're feeling life and our connection to it or disconnection from it and how we're feeling the intensity of our emotions can often point to just how great the challenge is. We can be so hard on ourself at times, without realising the full extent of our challenge/s.
Personally, I've found one of the keys to managing my mental health relates to a sense of wonder. While this sounds simplistic, how I wonder can be what makes the difference. For example
- I could either wonder 'What's wrong with me?', in regard to a depressing lack of energy, OR I could wonder about exactly what's causing it. I wonder could it involve a B12 deficiency or a sleep deficiency (physical), a certain draining belief system or form of inner dialogue (mental) or could it involve a (soulful) lack of inspiration with no vision of the way forward?
- I could either wonder about how long I'm going to stay within a depression or deep dark well and how far down I'm going to go OR I could wonder about the individual factors that I need to raise me, bit by bit
- I could either wonder about the things I wish I had in my life OR I could seriously begin to wonder about the true impact of a lack of what I need. I haven't always been fully conscious of the impact of what's lacking. Once becoming more conscious, it becomes a matter of 'No wonder I'm feeling in the ways I am. It makes complete sense'.
- I could either wonder about what it would be like to make new connections with people OR I could wonder about what kind of information or education I could consume that could lead me to make connections. I could go on to wonder 'Would I gain what I'm looking for from YouTube, the forums here, a particular book or somewhere else?'
I find a basic sense of wonder really doesn't do all that much for me, as opposed to a greater more inspiring and serious sense of wonder that can actually lead me to take action. You could have basically wondered what it would be like to come to the forums here but you took it next level and seriously wondered and here you are.
I wonder, what would lead one of your kids or your grandkids to visit? Something interesting, something fascinating, a treat of some kind, shouting them out to lunch in a place they've been longing to try or maybe something else? Triggering someone else to wonder, to the point where they respond with curiosity or enthusiasm, can involve a whole other level of wonder. Sometimes I simply wonder 'What can I give to that person to lead them to feel a sense of joy?'. Whether it involves an amusing phone call (where I gift them laughter), a visit (where I gift them companionship), a shout out for lunch (the gift of emotional eating) or something else, I find people love receiving what makes a difference to them. As a consequence, their joy makes a difference to me.❤️
