Help? Feel like I'm lost without hope.

[Crit29]

So a bit about me first;

I'm a 25y/o guy who is for the most part a recluse with few friends. I rarely drink, I smoke pot often and I've been dealing with varying levels of depression and anxiety for the past few years. I also have a gaming/porn addiction.

It's been almost 3 years now since my life got flip-turned upside down, but in truth I've been stagnant for closer to 5 and it's caused my life to come crashing down around me... I had it all at one point; a steady job, a proper family, normal routines, good finances and the most important to me, love. I look back on the choices I made with deep sorrow and regret. At the time I was an entitled, arrogant fool who thought the world and everyone in it owed me something, and everything would always be as I wanted it. Part of me knows I got what was coming to me, but knowing the error of my ways hasn't made it any easier dealing with and accepting the consequences (subsequent years of mental strife) that have followed.

tl;dr It started when I fell in love with a girl and we broke each others hearts, how cliche... We met online through gaming and pretty quickly fell for each other (LDR). I dropped out of uni and uprooted my life at 19 to move overseas until 2 years later when we moved home to Australia where we lived for a further 18 months until she lied, cheated and ran off with an acquaintance of ours (who she's still with today). During a lot of this time I was controlling, manipulative and mentally abusive, to an extent that I'll never forgive myself for some of the things I said and did to her. I kept my own insecurities about how others would perceive me and also my gaming/porn addictions under the rug while shifting the blame for all our problems almost entirely onto her throughout. She broke my heart, but only after I had hers.

I feel useless. Since I've come home it's enabled me to basically go back to being a teenager and runaway from life and growing up. I live with my dad, I don't work or drive and I've got no ambition. I sit around playing video games all day, locked up in my bedroom like a cavetroll while life is just passing me by. The whole thing with my ex still dwells heavily on me and I just feel so alone all the time which feeds the addictions. I lost a lot more than a girlfriend 3 years ago and I'm still not coping. I haven't been intimate with anyone since either. I want to move on but feel trapped. What should I do? How do you motivate yourself when you've felt like this for so long?

[IsaJett]

Hi crit29

welcome to this forum . And I’m glad you are here .

there are lots you can do to move along.

i too have had an intense break up ...involving affair ..blah blah .,u know the nitty gritty stuff ...yucky

but boy have I learned lots about myself .

first u have to forgive yourself ..and allow yourself permission to move on ..being on this forum is a very positive step .recognising the problems u have is already half the battle ..so u r a winner already thus far . Know that ..admitting your mistakes made in the past is like phenomenal ...so U are in a super position to make changes ..

Now ..a bit about myself ..I sure as hell hit a brick wall when I split ..and this meditation videos helped me tremendously . Look him up YouTube Jason Stephenson letting go ..sleep videos . He’s really good ..there’s lots out there but I trailed them I feel this guy is best ...not as robotic as some others ..hahaha

i promise you feel better .

i also tried hot yoga and started to paint , learn a guitar and learn a piano .learn Italian and French

so anything to just keep my mind entertained . I even played video games ..hahaha drake and ratchet and clank ..evrything in moderation though ..

I hope this can help u Crit29

let us us all know how u go with the tips

Stay well my friend

[Guest_1055]

Hello Crit, I admire you for all your admittance and honesty in your post here. But want really caught my attention was your title about hope. Or rather feeling lost without hope. How true is that, it does feel like that. Without hope we feel lost.

Anyway just started some lessons on hope myself. Like what it is. Hope is a positive imagination. So my advice to you is to think about what you really want in your life, look inside yourself for possible dreams or things that you are passionate about. Things that you are naturally good at. So if you see yourself 10 years from now. Are you married, are you a loving husband and not an abusive one? Are you fit and healthy? Are you fixing say cars with a smile on your face or putting out fires. A happy lawyer? See yourself then go for it. Make it happen in your life. If you need to get fit start at it. Need to work on what true love is or how to love a women. Read helpful books, talk to older people you know that have happy loving relationships. Need to work on anger issues then find out how. See yourself a happy lawyer then go back to uni and become the best one you can. Helping others and make a positive impact on someone’s life.

Life is opened up for you. Be the best you you can be.

[Crit29]

Thanks for the replies guys.

After this post late last night I came to the realisation that what I really needed to do was get out of the situation I was in, if not for good, then at least until I'm "functioning" again. The only times that I've felt mentally well for a sustained period has been when I was away from home and all the bad memories and habits I have there. So today I did just that and I'm hoping with better support and a better environment around me I can finally start making some real progress. I know I beat myself up too much. I have always found it really hard to let go, especially when I'm lacking a sense of closure. It's something I do need to work on.

I understand where you guys are coming from with goals and hobbies. I definitely need more of both, the problems I always have are for one, identifying things that interest me and two, following through with anything. This is where the anxiety creeps in I feel. I'll beat myself up for not doing something then never actually do anything about it, like some sort of vicious cycle I can't explain, or break. Take my schooling for example. 2 years ago I did a TAFE diploma which I completed all bar 1 unit due to an untimely injury. To this day I have paid for the unit 3 times ($400-500 a pop) and still have never completed it. All the while beating myself up about it instead of just doing the 40~ hours of work...

I do think I'm a lot more humble a person nowadays and I've addressed most of the bad personality issues I had in the past. I've often heard that sometimes people need a traumatic event (wake-up call) to realise they need to change things and while I think this has been true with me and I've definitely changed for the better in some ways, I've been completely crushed in others.

Anyway, not dwelling. I am going to start enacting some more positive changes and routines in hopes that it'll be a good impact. I'm pretty lean but you're right when you say exercise is as good a place as any to start and I could be a lot fitter, so as of tomorrow morning I'm starting a routine with a buddy to keep me honest. Start the day right and go from there I reckon. My first major goal I think should be getting my licence and a car soon. I do feel very restricted (trapped) not being able to get around and it's also an easy excuse to say I just can't get there.

I'll keep you guys posted with how I'm doing and won't hesitate to come back here if I'm having a bad day and need to vent. Thanks for the support.

[Guest_1055]

Thanks for getting back to us. And you go Mr Crit, you got this, you got this! Almost feel like high fiving you. Here’s my hand. And I am proud of you.😊