Hey Lass,
Thank you for sharing your situation with us and you have come to the right place. These forums are a loving, caring and non-judgmental place where we are all here to support each other through the good times and the bad.
Sorry to hear your struggling at present and I think many of us can relate to some of what your experiencing. Everyone has the right to be happy and life the life that one wishes to live and you are no different. Times are tough at present and have been for you for a while but pain and tough times are temporary. Things will get better unfortunately it may take you much longer than other people but it will make the good times ahead that much better.
You mention you don't know who you are. I can tell that your extremely thoughtful, intelligent and resilient just to name a few. Have you ever written a story or a book before because your descriptive writing is very impressive and you evoke great emotion through your words which is an amazing quality you possess.
Many of us have struggled and struggle with our identity and suffer from identity crisis. This is normal so please don't be too harsh on yourself.
Life is a constant never ending cycle of emotion after emotion,however, it isn't always a mangled mess of anxiety, depression and the like as you so eloquently stated above. It can be full of joy and happiness and it should be this way for everybody including yourself.
You mention that you are alone? I can tell that you are extremely selfless as you mention that you push everyone away so that you don't hurt others. This is extremely selfless and shows that you care greatly for others and their emotions which again is a great quality you possess. I am sure that you are not alone. You have us for one and I am sure many other people close to you care for you greatly, although people often have weird and wonderful ways of showing it.
May I ask if you are receiving active medical care and treatment for your condition? This is something to consider if you are not already doing so.
I have learnt so much about you from your post and you have left a great impression on me and everyone else who has read your post. You possess great qualities and I know that your continued efforts, positive and resilience will yield great benefit to your emotional well-being and overall quality of life.
Things will get better. Better days are ahead and I look forward to hearing from you again shortly.
Your friend,
Nick.
