Hi Minnxey
I feel for you so deeply as you face one of the worst times in your life. I don't think any emotion compares to the emotion of heartbreak. It just hurts so much, on so many levels.
Do you think the relationship could be in the process of reforming, in order for it to become something more? What I mean is could you reform it through a sense of friendship first before anything else?
I've been with my husband for around 25 years (married for 20). I can say, with the benefit of hindsight, it'd been falling apart for quite a number of those years. It's only in the last year that the marriage completely disintegrated while the revelation that we've never really been friends managed to come to light. We met, started a relationship but at no point started a really strong friendship. I mentioned this to him the other week and while this surprised him, he couldn't help but agree. Due to the desire for both of us to remain together in support of our 20yo daughter and 17yo son (who still live at home) and a greater sense of financial ease, he moved into the bungalow we have in our back yard which was already his much loved man cave. The kids and I are in the house. We have begun a strong mutually respectful friendship which we are enjoying while having discussed a 'friends with benefits' possibility in the future, as we reform our relationship. Enough about me. Just wanted to offer a way of seeing how a marriage can possibly be reformed through friendship.
Would you say the friendship is strong and he's also facing the kind of disappointments you are (does it hold potential) or is it simply the kind of relationship that suits him, one where he's happy to dictate the conditions without compromise?
Forming a whole new level of friendship can be so hard to navigate. Managing 2 different natures is also a challenge. When my daughter mentioned to me some time ago 'Different love languages', it helped me make greater sense of some of the challenges my husband and I face. While I'm an 'Acts of service' person (expressing my love through the ways I serve and support people), my husband is a 'Physical touch' kind of person (very huggy and kissy). That's how he sees love. We see and experience love very differently.
