Hashimoto’s Single Parent

[JayR]

I am a single mum to two teens. My youngest has struggled with School Can’t for the last few years, is very likely Autistic and we are going through the very slow process of diagnosis. I have had to homeschool her, while also working, for the last two years. My girls’ dad calls them every few weeks and sees them maybe once every couple of months. Financial assistance from him just doesn’t happen so I do my best to make sure they have what they need. These days there is just so little to spare so it’s been a very long time since we had any kind of break from the constant drone.  I have had Hashimoto’s disease for about 6 years now. It’s exhausting, and most of the time I have pain. Exercising hurts, even gentle walking, though I used to walk every day. Common foods cause flare ups but I’m so tired most of the time that I just don’t have the energy to do better planning. By the time I get home each day I have to push myself through all the things that need doing but I feel like I’m letting my girls down so much. Every day is just putting on a happy face for the world and my kids and reminding myself that we have food and a roof over our heads and we are safe. I don’t have family support and I’ve really struggled to connect with therapists. I really just don’t know how long I can keep going and keep up the front. The future is looking even harder than the present. Keeping on going was really all I had to rely on but my health is just getting worse and the only thing that keeps me pushing on is my girls. I don’t want to let them down. I don’t want them to be hurting.

[Sophie_M]

Hey JayR,  

Welcome to the Forums! Thank you for sharing here with our community. It is clear that you have a lot on your plate and it is great that  you are reaching out for some support.  

What you are going through is a huge amount for one person to be carrying. We can hear how special your girls are to you and how much of an inspiration they are. There is no doubt that you are doing your absolute best at a really tough time. It is okay to have moments to allow yourself to “take off” that happy face for a little bit and sit with what you are really feeling. We hope this can be a space to do so.  

We would also encourage you to reach out to our counsellors for advice and referrals. They’re available any time on 1300 22 4636, via online chat here, or by email here.  

While it sounds like you are likely linked in with medical support, we’d also really recommend reaching out to the GP or a trusted family doctor or health professional.  

Thanks again for reaching out here. We hope this can be a safe and supportive space for you.   You are a devoted and caring parent, and deserve some support for yourself, too 💙

Kind regards,  
Sophie M

[therising]

Hi JayR

While I can't relate to what it's like to struggle with Hashimoto's, I can relate to what it feels like to have next to no energy at times and how depressing this can feel. While feeling plenty of energy running through us can equate to feeling well and truly alive, almost no energy feels like the complete opposite of that. To say it's a tough state to live in is an understatement.

The fact you've got other challenges happening on top of this leads me to wish I was there with you making a difference with at least some of those things. It's just so much for you to be managing alone. While it's not my business, I simply can't help but wonder why your ex can't assist financially with the kids. Whether he's legitimately unable to for good reason or simply says he can't afford to or shouldn't have to, I'm wondering whether greater financial support would help make some difference to you. Whether Services Australia lead your ex to have to contribute (if he's able) or you're entitled to government assistance due to the disabling side effects of Hashimoto's and taking on sole financial responsibility for the kids, I imagine you may have already explored a number of options when it comes to greater financial ease (so you don't have to go out to work so much).

An Autism diagnosis can definitely be a slow process and costly process. My 18yo son was diagnosed just last year with level 1 autism (what used to be labeled as Asperger's). Year 12 was a massive struggle for him, as was most of his secondary school education. While level 1 autism can exist under the radar in primary school, in secondary school it can definitely make itself known. Such a struggle. Personally, I had no idea how much a school can offer in the way of support until I employed a student organiser/personal support for my son who advocated a lot for him with his school. It's hard to know what support's out there within certain systems until someone makes us aware of it while they also support us as parents.

You've actually led me to an education. I always though Hashimoto's was a thyroid condition. The fact that it's an autoimmune condition that leads to major thyroid issues really surprised me. One of the things I came across was Melbourne Functional Medicine's website and their page on Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. While you may not live in Melbourne, just thought I'd mention it based on the way it offers and education when it comes to a number of different approaches they have in regard to Hashimoto's. Not sure whether you've been led to consider multiple approaches or investigations or it's more so been about being led to manage through one single approach.

You're a great mum facing multiple challenges and your kids are blessed to have you as their mum. As a mum myself, I know there's that little voice in our head that can sometime dictate stuff like 'Your kids shouldn't have to be looking after you. It's your job to look after them'. In my opinion, it's not a good voice. If ever you've heard what comes to mind as 'Your kids need to support you during this time. You need their support, love and understanding' that one's the right one to be listening to. It's an opportunity to teach our kids how to be caring and supportive of someone. Who best to start with than us, someone they love and who loves them. ❤️

[JayR]

Thankyou so much for your reply, it really does help even to just feel heard.