Lately, I've been feeling like nothing really matters, like there is no point to keep going. It might sound cliché but it's the best way I can express it. I'm constantly irritable and numb, and everything feels like an effort. I have trouble falling asleep at night even though I'm tired. My interactions with others feel empty and I don't feel like myself. And the worst part is that I don't know who I can talk to about this, because I don't know who will understand. I can't talk to my parents about this, because they'll just tell me to get over myself, that other people have it worse. I don't know if my mum even cares about how I feel, because we barely talk and she acts like I'm a burden whenever I show my emotions. I can't talk to my dad about it because I've tried before and it only ended up in me feeling worse about my situation. And I don't feel like I can seek professional help because I don't even know what I'd say. I just know that I feel frustrated and angry all the time and I don't know why. It's like I have everything I could ever need, but it feels like I have nothing.
I miss feeling loved. I miss being able to laugh, like genuinely laugh. I miss feeling things. I miss doing things because I enjoy them, not because they distract me from my thoughts. I miss sleeping peacefully. I miss feeling like a good person to be around. I miss seeing the world in colour. I miss being able to smile, like actually smile. I miss not feeling like a burden on others. And I just wish that one day, I'll be able to actually live, not just survive.
