I've been struggling with feelings of depression recently, and I told my mum about it however she just acts like I never told her. I even asked her to check up on me, but she couldn't even do that one thing. It's so frustrating because it took a lot of courage for me to tell her, and it's honestly just making everything more difficult. Sometimes I wonder if I asked too much of her, but then I think to myself, Is it so difficult to check up on your daughter? Frankly, I wish I didn't need her to show that she cared, because it would be easier on the both of us. But I don't get to choose what I need, and I just wish she cared enough to see that.
It makes me sad as well because we've never had good communication in our relationship. She provides all the surface level requirements like food but never really asks what I'm up to, how my studies are going, how I am. When I'm in the car with her, we don't talk. And whenever she does talk to me beyond surface level, it's usually because she's annoyed by something I've done. In fact, I never feel like I can show my true emotions around her because she makes me feel like a burden whenever I do. And honestly it's quite lonely being at home sometimes, because in many ways she's like a stranger to me.
I'm just so tired of asking for things from my mum and ending up feeling disappointed. I can't move out because I don't have funds to do so. And I can't see how things will change, because if she can't even do the one simple thing of asking me if I'm okay, I don't know how anything else will change. It would just be so much easier if I didn't need her to show she cared.
