Hi Elyse
My heart goes out to you as you go through such a brutal transition, one you're feeling so deeply. It sounds so incredibly tormenting.
A little background, so you know where I'm coming from: I experienced long term depression from late teens to 35. Suddenly came out of it then went back in, then out and in etc etc 'til recently (at 52). Out of about 5 different meds, only 1 worked until I came off it so as to have kids. It never worked again after that. I can relate to some of the challenging ins and outs of depression and med factor. It's pretty tough to say the least, hey. Btw, there has always been good reason for every single period of depression I've faced, a fact that came to light only in the last few years. Up 'til then, I always believed there was something 'wrong' with me.
Wondering whether coming off the med has naturally put you back in touch with the ability to sense/feel what's depressing. Life's easier when you've got other sensitive feelers around. For example, if you're feeling a shut down or put down alone, it can be deeply upsetting. If you're feeling the same kind of shut down or put down with other feelers, you all look at each other knowingly because you all felt it at the same time. Later on, you can all agree with a smile, 'Yep I felt that the second that person said it. Why would they say such a thing?'. Then you all wonder together, perhaps reaching the conclusion they're insensitive (they can't feel the impact of what they say).
Whether it's a soul destroying lack of support and understanding, a lack of energy resources in regard to the chemistry needed in order to function energetically or a lack of the right kind of internal dialogue or all 3 combined, a depressing lack is naturally depressing. Can be deeply depressing when we've got no one wondering with us as to why we're feeling life the way we are. Btw, I've found meeting other soulful deeply feeling people tends to positively shift my chemistry and my internal dialogue.
❤️
