Getting things off my chest and looking for opinions

[artilleryman37]

I have decided to write here because my life is on the verge of ruin and I have trouble talking to anyone let alone medical professionals about this sort of stuff.

I suffer from severe depression and anxiety, especially social anxiety. It takes me years to fully open up to people. Anyone new I meet can walk all over me because my anxiety stops me from being able to express myself and I just do whatever I can to keep others happy no matter the personal cost to myself.

The males on my fathers side are a long list of bipolar sufferers so I'm concerned I may be bipolar too but I'm not sure, I could have something completely different.

I have intermittent sleeping problems, sometimes I'm fine and sometimes I'll get as little as 15 - 20 hours in a week.

I have bad problems with memory. I have been known to forget how to spell my name or what my birthdate is. Sometimes I forget what I'm saying mid sentence or repeat things to people many times not knowing I have already told them. I forget to tell people things even minutes after thinking to tell them. I have even had times I have been driving and forgotten where I am and where I'm going for several minutes.

I suffer from cognitive problems where it's like my brain doesn't work anymore. Its severity varies from day to day. Some days I'm at 100% and I'm like a computer, I am smart enough to have done university level maths in high school and came top of the school for the school certificate (which was a while ago as I'm now 29), and then there are days I take 10 minutes to calculate simple things like, for example, 128 + 37 and i'll still get the wrong answer.

The anxiety, memory and cognitive problems have stopped me from holding any job in the last 8 years for more than 6 months which has ruined my employability in the eyes of employers and can no longer find employment.

I get audible hallucinations. Sometimes not for months, sometimes every day, usually when I'm zoned out and not concentrating on anything. They used to be of an aggressive guy and a placid girl saying they were going to get me. That was years ago. These days I either get babies crying and screaming or I get a massively crowded room with hundreds of people talking to each other.

I reached my character limit and will post the rest below as a reply.

[Paul]

Hey artilleryman37, welcome to Beyond Blue Forums. I'm really glad you dropped in and let us know how you feel. It can be difficult even in text sometimes.

Having your cognition work great then cause what you describe must be frustrating and upsetting, and the sleeping difficulties can't be easy on you or your body.

Do you have a really close friend or relative you can confide in? Perhaps even visit your GP with. If you are stuck for what to say, print out what you have written above and ask the Dr to read it as you find it difficult to describe on the spot. Sometimes depression and anxiety can cause our cognition to slip, sometimes other things as well.

I think the best first step is to chat to your Dr, then multiple other approaches can be taken to address what's happening and how you feel. The great thing is knowing what's going on and find the best treatment.

What do you think about seeing your Dr, is that something you could organise and let me know how you go with getting an appointment?

I'd love to stay in touch and help you through this.

Paul

[City_skyline]

Hi

i used to have severe social anxiety and panic attacks pretty much everyday and school makes it worse up

about two weeks ago I saw a documentary on tv about how meditation can help with anxiety and depression

ive been meditating before bed for a couple of minutes and it's helped so much

apparently you need to meditate for 8 weeks for it to work and I highly recommend meditation for anybody with any mental illness

i don't know where I'd be without it

hope this helps