frustrated

[Amanzimtoti]

Not sure where to start.

In a 12 year relationship which was excellent until she resigned from a very stressful job .

I still work a 4 day week.

We now argue a lot and somehow it is always my fault. I seem to be forgetful .She tells me things like "we are meeting them at 11am saturday".

A few days later I ask "oh what time are we meeting them?" and the reply is "I ALREADY TOLD YOU".

Okay,I forgot,just say 11am and carry on .But no,the argument expands and we dont talk for days.

Yes,I love her and she is a beautiful person .

I am in remission from cancer ,after 12 months of treatments and she has been so good to me.

But she has a lot of family and friends and spends time with them without including me.My birthdays I dont get "happy birthday " calls or texts.No one enquired with me how I was going during chemo.She got heaps of calls offering her help.

I have a lot more things to say but I dont think you all want to hear.I am surprised I am even writing this but I do feel like I need help.

Thank you for listening.....

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

It sound like you are going through a difficult time at the moment - a long-term relationship that has hit rough patches while also dealing with major life stressors like your cancer treatment must be incredibly challenging.

It would be natural to feel hurt by the lack of support you've received from your partner's friends and family, especially on important occasions like your birthday during such a trying time.

Grief and stress can create brain fog which comes out in fogetfulness - at least in me. I would think the

chemotherapy was stressful. And cancer treatments can have a similar effect. That part is not your fault at all. Perhaps a time for you check with your GP or similar, about this?

There are possibly other reasons for the communication breakdown on your partner's side. Overwhelmed during your illness? Struggling after life after work?

With open and compassionate dialogue, you may be able to understand each other's perspectives and find your way back to being a team. Don't lose hope. I hope you can rediscover the strength in your partnership. Listening ...

[sbella02]

Amanzimtoti,

Thank you for sharing your experience with us here, we warmly welcome you to the forums. It sounds frustrating to be constantly arguing with your partner like this, after her support with your treatments. One of my relationships was plagued by arguments, and I remember how frustrating that was too. 

It sounds to me like the root of the argument might be uncommunicated feelings, particularly from your partner's end. Her response to your questions do not seem to be as compassionate as you'd like her to be. Regardless of the reasoning behind her response, it might be a good idea to raise this with her, if you'd feel comfortable, and express how it's making you feel. You may find that she gives a bit of insight into why she's responding like this, and what the underlying emotion may be for her. 

It may also be helpful to raise how you've been feeling in regards to her spending time with family and friends without you, and how including you in these events may make you feel. 

I would love to hear more from you, if you're willing to share. We're here to help, and any more background you'd feel comfortable sharing may lead to more specific and relevant support we're able to offer.

All the best, SB