from bad to worse

[dazel69]

Hi, i been diagnosed with depression for several years, i was on medication but came off them last year as they weren't making a difference. At the time my depression was only mild. Now its a different story i feel like ive hit rock bottom. I love my wife dearly but our marriage has been struggling over the last 6-12 months its been getting worse. I now find out she has been speaking to someone online for several months (its only that long because i guessed that long I suspect its longer). This has been very personal but she wont tell me how personal or anything and if i ask she gets angry. I was already getting worse before this and i know its my fault it happened but im really struggling every day now. I though i was a strong person but i now cry at the drop of a hat and have more dark thoughts than i would like (only thoughts). It was hard enough dealing with the depression and now this id just making it worse. I know i need help and im in the process of seeking guidance from a counselor but im at a loss. I cant stop thinking about it, i cant sleep, My mood is up and down like a yo-yo. I know she loves me but i feel im shouldering all the blame. Every time i bring it up its okay your going to see a counselor, we will get you better. Im stuck i dont know what to do and im sliding down a slippery slope.

[dazel69]

Well i put my foot it in again and asked if she was still speaking to him, i wish i had kept my mouth shut i really do. At first i got reassurances but that soon turned to me being made to feel guilty. She still doesnt understand whats been done to me. She rolls over and goes to sleep and im stuck up crying for the next hour. I love my life!  All i want is for her to put her arm around me and so how sorry she really is, its that simple. Im not sure how much more i can take, this is bringing me down.  Nothing sinister I just dont want to end up the mess i was in a few days ago. Not sure what to do.

[Pixie15]

Hi dazel69,

Your wife might be feeling pressured by your needing this reassurance. There is nothing she can say that can prove to you that she is not in contact with this person. Or even if she is that is nothing for you to be concerned about. 

When you start having these anxious thoughts can you try challenging them? When I get anxious negative thoughts I tell them to go away.

Are you doing anything positive to try and improve your relationship. Have you organised to do something you both enjoy together over the long weekend? 

Christine.

[dazel69]

Hi Christine101, i think your right about me pressuring her and it doesnt help. But its doing my head in not knowing. I still feel concerned because the other person gets all the good energy and i get nothing. She was(is) talking to him about all the good things in her life, sharing with him and what do i get this morning....whats wrong this time. Yes we are doing things we had a wonderfull weekend away last week and a concert tonight. I just feel like im doing all the work and its draining me. As for negative thoughts i wish i could tell them to go away. Im okay when im occupied but as soon as i stop my mind starts racing again and cant get a good thought in no matter how hard i try.