First time to reach out in a long time

[Kram21]

Im a 52 year old male that suffers chronic pain and depression for many years. It has cost me most of my "friends" my wife and I see no way out.Last month or so I have been falling back down the dark hole and I can see no end in site.I have lost 2 friends ( in Thailand ) due to covid and many more there are suffering the economic effect of it. Yes they are worse off than me and I guess I feel guilty of just being a sook. I have battled depression for over 15 years and most of the time I manage to keep it fairly normal. Last month I have been loosing control of it and I dont know how to stop it. Now some days I dont even get out of bed ( apart to go to toilet and get water ) My body hurts I sleep a LOT and find pleasure in nothing. I dont want to end up the suicidal train wreck I was years ago as I dont think I have the strength to go through that again. Times are tough for everyone I know but I have no real trigger for this to happen to me now.

Thanks for listening to the rant of a soon to be crazy mad man AHHA

[Kram21]

Mental health isnt talked about openly in asia. I dont think she would understand at all about it. I really dont think we will last together if we cant meet again soon and that breaks my heart. I understand she wants a man in her life and I wish her all the best. So today I talked to her for about 30 mins then sat in the dark for hours. I cant think of a way out.

[Summerinvincible]

Ah, I see. Extremely difficult to talk about it in that case, but like you said she probably realises something like that is going on.
Maybe just take one day at a time and don’t think of the future too much. All you have to do is get through the current day. If you keep doing that then eventually travel will open up.

[Kram21]

Well to my amazement she asked me if I have depression. She had been googling it and said it sounds like me. After a chat I guess Ill wait and see what happens next. A sunny day here and all I want to do is sit in the dark.

[Summerinvincible]

Wow, that’s a huge thing! She obviously cares about you a lot and is interested in what she can do to help.

what did you say when she asked you if you were depressed?

it sounds like this was a positive thing, well I hope it is anyway. Would be a big support for you if you knew she could begin to understand and accept what you’re going through, even if she can’t help directly.

[Kram21]

I hope its a positive thing I guess Ill find out. Still BIG stigma there about it.For some reason I found it really hard to talk about with her.

[Summerinvincible]

Maybe you feel like you have to be “strong” around her, or that you shouldn’t feel the way you do. Anyway I do hope it’s a step in the right direction for you.

You may find that while there’s mental health stigma in that country, she’s able to be open minded about it (especially if she’s googling). Fingers crossed for you.

[Kram21]

My guess is it will end us or bring us closer . Time will tell on that one. If it seperates us I guess its better now than waste more years.

[Summerinvincible]

As long as you’re still here there’s a good chance things will work in your favour. All the best.

[Kram21]

To my amazement she seams to have understanding of my depression but not why I cant go be with her. So a little hope for today. I think venting a little here actually helps. After talking to her I feel like having a beer today first time in a long time I might enjoy something. I dont recommend alcohol to help with depression but if I enjoy one it cant hurt hey?

[Summerinvincible]

Great news. I think a beer will be fine! It’s great that you feel like doing something you enjoy.