Unsure if this girl I am dating/seeing is depressed.

[Law_boy]

Hi guys,

I’ve been dating this girl for the last 2-3 months and things have been great between us.

A little background on her, she’s 18 and finds it really difficult to express emotions and really say what she’s feeling. She rarely talks about her problems to people and prefers to just handle it herself because she doesn’t want to burden others. Yet she’s done this with me on multiple occasions.

Things were great until our state went into lockdown. We used to text/call daily and this quickly became less frequent, going from every few hours to every few days. Eventually, I told her we had to talk because I was just unsure about everything and we had a long conversation last Saturday over the phone.

We spoke from 9:30pm - 6am and she told me a lot about what’s been going on. She said this year she “emotionally shut down” because of things that happened to her the previous years. She said she gets in these “moods” where she doesn’t want to talk to anyone and doesn’t care that she’s doing it. She isolates herself in her room, blocks out any sunlight and just reads books all day. She only leaves her room for food or to go to the bathroom and has no interest in leaving the house. When this happens she feels “numb” and to her this is normal.

She also expressed that no matter how much she likes me, she can’t be with me for this reason. Saying when she gets like this she wouldn’t care that she’s not talking to me and how that may impact me and she can go like this for days/weeks/months and it wouldn’t be fair on me.

We discussed a lot of things that night and I was telling her about when I realised I was in love with her. I then asked her the same question and she said she realised she was in love with me during one of our first dates.

At this point I’m just confused, I haven’t heard from her in a week. I have a feeling she might be depressed from the social isolation and apathetic outlook, so I have been sending her messages daily just checking in and letting her know I’m her for her. However, I know she’s been active on social media and is most likely ignoring my messages so I’ve since stopped because it’s just making me miserable. I called her the following Monday and she declined the call after one ring.

So yeah, I don’t know if this is the right place to post this. I guess I’m just looking for some opinions/advice on the situation. Is this her depression talking? Or her way of telling me to take a hint? I have no clue.

I appreciate any help!

[Sophia16]

Hey Law Boy,

Welcome to the forum! We are all here to support you and to give you advice (:

I personally think that she seems like an amazing girl and she is currently dealing with a lot. Especially during this lockdown. It has made people feel super down and anxious.

Firstly, you are doing amazing by supporting her and sticking with her. That probably means so much to her, even if she doesn't express it.

If you love her and you know that you want to be in a relationship with her then just be patient with her. You have only known her for a short amount of time and it can take over a year for somebody to feel like they can trust someone.

Hopefully, after this lockdown, everything will be fine and I hope you are doing okay.

Here if you need advice!

[Miz]

Hi Law boy,

Thanks for posting! It sounds like this has been a really challenging and confusing situation for you.

It sounds like the girl you are seeing is really struggling emotionally and having some tough times. From what I can see, the way she is treating you is not personal and just a reflection of her being scared to open up to someone as well as her low moods and isolation. In this instance, I know it can be hard to persevere as it seems like things are meant personally. If you do love her though and want to be there for her, sometimes the best thing to do can be to preserve and keep up the contact because at some point she is very likely to let you in (like the phone call you had on the weekend). Even just sending a little message each day that says, I'm here for you and hope you are having a good day can make her feel like you are there, even if she's not ready to talk. Maybe just let her feel supported and make it clear to her that you will be waiting/ready for her whenever she feels comfortable to chat.

Some other options would be to talk to her friends/family and see if they can orgnaise some support for her. Given that it's early in the relationship I think you may just need to wait a bit longer before she feels comfortable and ready to communicate! Remember to not take her moods personally, often when we experience poor mental health we take it out on others despite it having nothing to do with them at all.