Feeling trapped

[Jon1945]

Well i dont really know where to begin. This is gonna be a long rant

Im a 20 year old male, full time university student studying a double degree in mechanical engineering and finance.

I am in my second year. Ive been looking for work since the end of year 12 and havent been able to find one job to make me any long term money while at uni which has been made 10× harder by the fact we are in a recession because of covid. I live at home with my parents but we have virtually no money because they debt trapped themselves a few years ago. Just to give an idea they got a default notice not long ago on the house which they barely managed to survive by borrowing money from a friend. This is despite the fact they earn 100k+ combined salary. I dont have any enjoyment in my life. I cant treat myself to anything ever, i cant go out unless my friends pay for me. I cant even put petrol in my car. I have no independence at all, its humilating. All my friends either have jobs, about to move out of home, are supported by their rich parents or have youth allowance/study allowance from centrelink. I cant get any study allowance or anything because my parents earn too much despite being broke. Hell i sleep on 2 mattress stacked because my mattress is old and wrecked and i cant afford a new one. Im basicly stuck at home unable to enjoy my life at all during my uni years and the only thing keeping me going is my determination to achieve my life goal of becoming a successful engineer but because of everything, i have no relief from study ever, im stressed constantly, i struggle to concentrate because im always depressed and so my grades are terrible. Even my hair is falling out now. Im just sad always and angry and dont know what to do anymore. Im sorry that was a long rant.

[yggdrasil]

My pleasure mate, and thank you for sharing your experiences, it helps me in the same way. I'd definitely recommend checking out the SES or CFS. I did the SES volunteer training in 2015 but then couldn't continue with it as I decided to return to uni. Anything that takes you out of yourself a bit is good. That's why I'm on these forums chatting with people. Are there any hobbies etc that help get you out of your head at all? I've tried meditation etc but I find I need something that kind of forces me out of it, like hard exercise, running, cycling, skating, stuff like that. I also do a bit of music and miniature painting as I find it focuses the mind a bit.

[SarahZ]

Hey Jon1945,

Thanks for taking the time to reply. It truly is really hard not to compare ourselves with those close to us, especially when society creates these expectations of what a good career, degree, or lifestyle should look like. I guess thats what make these forums so wonderful - just a group of people sharing their stories and experiences without judgement or comparison. @eshort0401's idea of volunteering is really great. Volunteering is really fulfilling and also helps refine social skills. I volunteered at a few schools during my university degree and felt it was a great way to balance studies and also have that consistent social aspect, whether it be talking to students or other volunteer members.

Hope you've been feeling a bit better recently~

Reach out whenever you feel up to it!