Depression

I need help, I can’t cope anymore

replies: 2

I don’t know what to write here as my concentration has gone so bad. I am writing because I can’t cope anymore. My mental illness is so bad. I have anxiety, depression, derealization and lately it is even worse as I have started thinking about death,... View more

I don’t know what to write here as my concentration has gone so bad. I am writing because I can’t cope anymore. My mental illness is so bad. I have anxiety, depression, derealization and lately it is even worse as I have started thinking about death, not to kill myself but how each day I am getting closer to death and what is the point of living? Im only 25 but I can’t enjoy my life, not a second of it and every minute is a struggle. I don’t have any friends at all. My mum has passed away, I’m so disconnected from everyone else as if no one exists or nothing is real. I can’t take antidepressants as I’m pregnant and right now that I should just be enjoying my pregnancy, I’m dead emotionally, mentally and physically. Morning sickness just makes it worse. I need help but i think that help is never available to me. I hate my feelings, myself and this situation.

ready to give up

replies: 4

I had a baby 8 months ago which made my partner want to move in together (obviously) but that meant moving away from my family and I have always been super close to my family. My dad recently passed away from a heart attack and I haven't been the oka... View more

I had a baby 8 months ago which made my partner want to move in together (obviously) but that meant moving away from my family and I have always been super close to my family. My dad recently passed away from a heart attack and I haven't been the okay since. The move has made me hate my partner, I don't feel in love and I am constantly in tears and he just doesn't understand, and then we have covid on top of all this so I am still not allowed to see my family as they live too far away and it is tearing me apart. I lost all my friends after I had my baby not that I had many before that. I don't have my license as I have no one over here to teach me as my partner is still on his p's therefore he can't teach me so I am stuck in this house nearly 24/7 with no one to talk to and no friends, no family just my baby. My partner normally works 5/6 days a week but at the moment it's 4 days a week but he just spends the days he has off drinking with our housemate that has just moved out today but now my partner is spending the day at his new house leaving me here all alone again. I had to beg him for attention, to chose a day of the weekend to just spend with me and our baby and he didn't want too but I told him I would leave and I still want to, I just don't have the heart to leave considering there is a baby involved. I feel sad constantly, I just eat junk food and it has made me put on weight but I don't have the effort to cook anything. I don't want to get out of bed anymore but I have to for my baby. I'm lost, I don't know what to do anymore. I hate myself. I'm just ready to give up.

Overwhelmed By Chronic Illness

replies: 2

Hi, I'm an ill person since the age of 8. As I've gotten older the list of illnesses that I have is getting worse. Over the years I've been diagnosed with chronic asthma, 2 brain tumors, breast cancer, Menieres Disease, MS and I'm currently undergoin... View more

Hi, I'm an ill person since the age of 8. As I've gotten older the list of illnesses that I have is getting worse. Over the years I've been diagnosed with chronic asthma, 2 brain tumors, breast cancer, Menieres Disease, MS and I'm currently undergoing tests due to heart problems, possible liver disease & bowel cancer. I'm only 49 yrs young but my body feels old. I'm now at the stage where I don't want to now what else is wrong with me, I'm just waiting for my body to give up & get me out of this horrible nightmare. I'm not living but more like existing. I'm tired, in pain, dependent on my husband and others, I'm hearing impaired and losing the desire to keep going. It's impossible for others in my life to understand, they try keep me going, but I'm exhausted physically & mentally. I take antidepressants, but don't know why I bother sometimes. Sometimes I wish I could hide in a cave & go in peace.

Feeling trapped

replies: 11

Well i dont really know where to begin. This is gonna be a long rant Im a 20 year old male, full time university student studying a double degree in mechanical engineering and finance. I am in my second year. Ive been looking for work since the end o... View more

Well i dont really know where to begin. This is gonna be a long rant Im a 20 year old male, full time university student studying a double degree in mechanical engineering and finance. I am in my second year. Ive been looking for work since the end of year 12 and havent been able to find one job to make me any long term money while at uni which has been made 10× harder by the fact we are in a recession because of covid. I live at home with my parents but we have virtually no money because they debt trapped themselves a few years ago. Just to give an idea they got a default notice not long ago on the house which they barely managed to survive by borrowing money from a friend. This is despite the fact they earn 100k+ combined salary. I dont have any enjoyment in my life. I cant treat myself to anything ever, i cant go out unless my friends pay for me. I cant even put petrol in my car. I have no independence at all, its humilating. All my friends either have jobs, about to move out of home, are supported by their rich parents or have youth allowance/study allowance from centrelink. I cant get any study allowance or anything because my parents earn too much despite being broke. Hell i sleep on 2 mattress stacked because my mattress is old and wrecked and i cant afford a new one. Im basicly stuck at home unable to enjoy my life at all during my uni years and the only thing keeping me going is my determination to achieve my life goal of becoming a successful engineer but because of everything, i have no relief from study ever, im stressed constantly, i struggle to concentrate because im always depressed and so my grades are terrible. Even my hair is falling out now. Im just sad always and angry and dont know what to do anymore. Im sorry that was a long rant.

Tips for motivating to exercise when in a depression/anxiety spiral

replies: 3

Hi All, I have recently been to my GP about my depression/anxiety. We are finding a psych for me to see (a very long wait!!) and I am happy to be getting the help I need. it is sometimes very hard to live in my own head! I talk to myself in a very ne... View more

Hi All, I have recently been to my GP about my depression/anxiety. We are finding a psych for me to see (a very long wait!!) and I am happy to be getting the help I need. it is sometimes very hard to live in my own head! I talk to myself in a very negative way and become anxious very easily. This week has been hard. I have a stressful job, and i find it hard to 'log off' at the end of the day. Work is a trigger for me due to a bad old work place. I exercise most days - running in the morning and once a week or so pilates. my gp told me that often exercise is as good as an anti-depressant - its just getting the motivation to do it. My question is: when you are having those times when the bad feelings take over, how do you motivate yourself to actually get out and go for a run? I usually run first thing in the morning as most of the time nothing has happened that day to trigger me and so I am fine to go run for an hour and be 'in my head'. If I am feeling particularly anxious or depressed - the last place I want to be is in my head!! So i tend to not do anything at all - which doesn't make me feel good. So: does anyone have any tips to get out of that? For example, maybe instead of a run do you do 50 squats and see if that starts the endorphins? or do you give yourself permission to rest? Sorry if this question is a bit all over the shop - just thought I'd see if anyone had any self help practical tips. Hope everyone is having a good day. x

Not sure if I can have kids (mentally)...

replies: 15

Hello, I am not in a very good place, particularly right now - I ride between Anxiety and Depression regularly, self-helping with the anxiety has been helping although I still have a ways to go, but recently the Depression has hit me again hard. My p... View more

Hello, I am not in a very good place, particularly right now - I ride between Anxiety and Depression regularly, self-helping with the anxiety has been helping although I still have a ways to go, but recently the Depression has hit me again hard. My primary thoughts revolve around life purpose, and kids... I am mid thirties now, but don't know what to do. Most people around me are having kids, and I know my husband wants a child but I don't think I had ever really wanted them (deep down I thought I would just suddenly turn all clucky over children and want one, but if anything I think I have gone the other way!) I don't enjoy being around kids, I don't like holding kids, I get irritated by them very quickly and usually just get away as fast as I can... I have really tried to want to have kids, really tried to think about life (with or without kids) and I am utterly lost... I am quite sick of hearing "it's different when they are your own" (which may be true) but it doesn't help at all to keep hearing it - just makes me feel like a damaged/broken female because I don't want babies. Aside from my strong family history of Depression (quite severe) and other medical conditions, I can barely keep myself above the water, so how would I be able to cope with a child? Aside from being terrified of the actual pregnancy and birth process, it is not something you can change your mind about half way through, at the end you have a dependant, for life. I know I'm stewing on scenarios that haven't even happened, but I'm scared I will panic... I practically panic just thinking about it, the life changes involved, being stuck at home (if COVID-like situations return in the future), etc. I don't want to have one for the wrong reasons (as I don't know what my mental state would be like, given that I don't want to and see no joy in it) but I feel the pressure, particularly from my husbands family, which is again the wrong reason. I don't know what I am asking here, it just feels like a rant. I wonder if any other women feel the same? Would the stress actually impact the health of a baby if we tried?? I suspect it can't be healthy... I have to pretend I am never going to have kids to just get through the days when the pressure feels intense, or my worrying and stress brings on horrendous migraines/headaches. I love my pets, love my hobbies, love my husband - but I can't seem to mentally cope with the idea of having a child... Thanks for reading

Pregnant and Struggling

replies: 1

Hi everyone..... I’m 24 and currently pregnant with my first child and have been battling depression for years now and have had to stop taking my medication as a result of the pregnancy. I am really struggling with blocking out dark thoughts and I am... View more

Hi everyone..... I’m 24 and currently pregnant with my first child and have been battling depression for years now and have had to stop taking my medication as a result of the pregnancy. I am really struggling with blocking out dark thoughts and I am worried that the stress I experience will have a negative impact on my unborn child. There are many other factors involved; I recently lost my mining job due to COVID, I separated from my long term partner of 7 years and have been forced to sell my home, before finding out I was pregnant I was a heavy smoker and drinker and now that I no longer have those releases i’m stuck with my own thoughts all day and night. Most days i’m bed ridden and struggling to find a reason to get up..... it doesn’t help having nobody to talk to..... this is the first time i’ve reached out for help from people other than family.... I just need people to talk to that won’t judge me...

Depression following a breakup

replies: 1

I have struggled with depression on and off for a couple of years. In November last year my five year relationship ended and I had the worst depression I’d ever experienced. During lockdown I met someone online and we instantly clicked, when lockdown... View more

I have struggled with depression on and off for a couple of years. In November last year my five year relationship ended and I had the worst depression I’d ever experienced. During lockdown I met someone online and we instantly clicked, when lockdown was lifted we were inseparable. I was so happy and thought we’d be together forever. Over the months I noticed that he had quite a quick temper, a negativity that would impact my own mood and thinking. Then I found out that he smokes weed everyday. I panicked and ended the relationship because as someone who doesn’t do drugs I felt scared and betrayed that he hadn’t told me. Now I’m feeling the same deep depression I felt after my five year relationship ended and I’m struggling to separate my depression from the want to get back together with this person. I can’t tell whether I want this person back because I’m depressed or whether I still love them. Everyone including my therapist tells me I’ve done the right thing but it doesn’t feel that way. I’m not finding my therapy helpful and could use some other suggestions including thoughts on medications because I’m struggling to cope with everyday life with this overwhelming sadness.

The darkness is winning

replies: 3

The darkness is overwhelming, I haven’t had a depression episode in quite a while (years!) and this one has hit quickly and hard. I have had cancer scare this year and the surgery took 6 months to recover from, and I coped through all of that surpris... View more

The darkness is overwhelming, I haven’t had a depression episode in quite a while (years!) and this one has hit quickly and hard. I have had cancer scare this year and the surgery took 6 months to recover from, and I coped through all of that surprisingly well. I fell and broke a toe then fell again and damaged a ligament in my knee - still ok, happy. But today, the darkness has been with me since I woke at 5:00am and is sucking me down into an abyss. It’s like my very soul is filling with the darkness creating a void, a black hole, a nothingness. I normally get some warning signs before The darkness takes hold not this time though. Invisible, worthless, useless, irrelevant, useless, empty, auto pilot, invisible. Nobody around me notices that I am drowning right in front of them! Tears are ever present, rage bubbles just below the surface, contempt lingers on my lips praying to be released. I sit and chat and nobody realises that the darkness is consuming me right then, that my soul is screaming in agony, and all around are deaf. I am terrified

I feel lost and alone.

replies: 6

Hey, It's been a while since I have been on these forums, and I thought after all the help I received last year and at the beginning of this year, that I wouldn't need to be back. But... I've almost lost everyone in my life. Not physically, no. But a... View more

Hey, It's been a while since I have been on these forums, and I thought after all the help I received last year and at the beginning of this year, that I wouldn't need to be back. But... I've almost lost everyone in my life. Not physically, no. But all my friends and all the people that supported me through my darkest times are slowly slipping away from me. And now I feel like I am having another low in life, but there's no-one to talk to, no-one to help me. I feel like I'm asking too much of them anyway. No-one needs me weighing on their conscience. And I... I do have people still here. A couple friends here and there, and when I ask them for help they give it. But it never makes me feel any better. I feel so lost, and that I'm slowly receding further and further back into the darkness, back into my old, isolating habits. I want to be happy, get back all the time that I missed wishing I wasn't here. And now that I don't wish that of myself anymore, I just wish I could be happy, like I didn't have to feel all these random sadness anymore. There shouldn't be this much to be sad about. But I don't know why I feel like this. I should be happy. I should be grateful. But all I do is find myself feeling so alone and lost, and scrolling through the internet, for something to make me feel something. To not feel so angry all the time. To not feel so sad for no reason. I've been taking medication to help me sleep for a month now. I don't know if it's got anything to do with that, because I don't exactly remember how I felt beforehand (since days right now feel like they are mixed into one, as I am at home all the time now), but I feel like ever since I started taking that, these feelings have gotten more random, if that makes sense. Perhaps I'm making that up, after all, I don't remember how I felt beforehand, and if that was any different to the way I feel now. I just don't want to feel like this anymore. - Nik

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