Feeling Trapped

[SleepDrifter]

Hi,

I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve by writing this. Just gonna rant.

I feel trapped. Especially at work. My workplace (tech records in aviation) is toxic. I could go on and on about exactly how and why but the issues are not going anywhere and I need to get out. I don't have any formal qualifications and with the covid situation, no-one is hiring. I don't think I can keep going like this. It feels hopeless.

I'm married and have 2 very young children whom I love dearly. My wife makes me feel a bit trapped as well. If I go anywhere she'll be hasselling me about when I'm coming home, which given the young children is understandable at the moments but has been happening before they were around and I'm sure will continue to happen once they're older. Even if I just stay up a little later than her, she says she can't sleep until I get to bed. It makes me feel like I can't go anywhere or do anything, even within my own house. I do love her but her anxiety makes her very controlling and I guess clingy is the word.

I really want to end it all but I don't want to leave my young boys without their father.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

re: “ I really want to end it all but I don't want to leave my young boys without their father.”

A long time ago I made an attempt that still haunts me. I too had two young children. After that once recovered I recalled what my dad told me a few months earlier (bare in mind my brother and uncle had suicided) “better to be a part time dad than no dad at all”

Ine week after my attempt I left my wife of 11 years. She could not be a narcissist if I wasn’t there.

I remained active in my kids lives. At 27yo I was about to walk my eldest down the aisle, thought to myself “had I succeeded who would have done this deed?”.

So my message is- please consider many other alternatives at your disposal.

Firstly your wife sounds like she is insecure and therapy could well be needed for her.

As for your toxic workplace please place the following in the search bar

fortress of survival (workplace)

In regards to your wife not sleeping put a TV in the bedroom with wireless headphones.

Seek out ways to reassure your wife. As a young dad being a little free is desirable but... your wife needs you with this insecurity. You must find ways to reassure her and tell her you need some space.

Some problems we face can be solved very easily but the answers just don’t come easily so writing in a anonymous forum is a wise move.

Finally, as a continuous plan keep searching for other employment. Post Covid might see many employers looking for extra staff.

Regards

TonyWK

[leesy_lou]

Hi Sleepdrifter,

I just wanted to start by saying a warm welcome to the forum, so glad you have chosen to speak up about this issue as I know that you are not alone in feeling this way.

I can really understand what you mean when you say you are feeling trapped in ways, both at work and at home. That you know your workplace is not good for you mentally and is self-destructive but given covid-19 quitting and finding a job is not so simple. So you go to work, follow orders and endure it, than it sounds like you come home to your family and repeat a similar cycle. When you want to take a break or stray from this cycle this triggers your wife's anxiety, but her responds is smothering... whats that like for you, how do you respond to that?

I can see how all of this would make you feel trapped in your own life, hopeless and helpless. Having the pressures and the want be there for your family both psychically and financially can be incredible taxing. When you say you want to "end it all" it sounds like the idea of dying or Suicide is something you have contemplated to end this cycle, free you from the trap. But on the other hand the idea of leaving your family and children behind is a burden you do not want to leave on them.. almost another trap now that I think about it?

At times, maybe right now there may seem like there are only two choices, living or dying but similar to "White Knight" please consider that there are many other choices at your disposal and ways of freeing yourself from the feeling of being trapped -

Writing on this forum is one of those, talking or "ranting" actually does help so I'm glad you are hear. We are always hear when you want, waiting to listen. Come and go as need, and hopefully we can offer you a safe and non-judgmental space amongst the chaos at the moment ❤️